1000shadesofgrey.

[Anibis]

Thoth Count Journal

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date : 15:1 - Card: The world - first day

I focus on the Juggler. Slowly I start to realize that the Path of the Juggler, the Path of the Magus and the Path of the God are one and the same. The Juggler juggles with balls, the Magus juggles with his creations and the God juggles with the realities S/He creates. I see myself as a juggler first keeping balls in the air, I become a sorcerer keeping my creations/changes in the world and preventing them from falling/being destroyed and I finally see me as an eagle headed God keeping the reality of several worlds up on the air, preventing them from falling, keeping them away from destruction. I cry.




I turn my attention from the Juggler and I focus on the world. I breath deeply and I enter the world.


It's dark. It's damp. To my right theres a clearing, with light and a juggler. I pay attention. It is not a true juggler, but a kind of device painted like a dwarf clown keeping the balls artificially in the air.
I turn to my left, and start to walk. Among the mist I see a very narrow path. I walk that narrow path. I loose sight of everything except where i am, and where will be my next step.


Suddenly I see someone. The person looks like Naomi Chan and I greet her. The person hisses and snarls and her teeth change to serpent like teeth, coming out of her mouth.I start to juggle to distract it.
The person keeps changing and in a few moments there is nothing human about it, it has become some sort of slim beast with evil eyes. I throw one of the balls against its teeth. It gets stuck in them, preventing the creature from bitting. I start to walk away but I realize that the ball that i threw was one of my spells, one of the realities I'm creating. I return near the creature and I remove the ball. I won't sacrifice my projects and power to my fears. The creature starts to shrivel until it becomes dust and nothing.


I keep walking. I see someone that looks like Ricci and I greet. The person ignores me and I keep walking.


The path ends up in a ledge facing an abism. I think about jumping, a leap of faith, but I remind myself that I'm not a man of faith and that I don't need broken bones.


The ledge starts to crack. I jump and start climbing up. The mountain starts to crumble below my feet. I climb faster.


In a matter of seconds the mountain falls. I Will myself in the air. I return to the ground in a very small clearing. It is dark, cold and damp. I make the clearing bigger. I decide to leave but I want to leave something for those that may walk that path. I light a candle, make a small fire and I prepare some tea. I drink a cup of the tea and prepare myself to leave when i see someone. It is a creature similar to the God i was on the beginning, but instead of an eagle head it has an ibis head. I offer him cinnamon cookies and tea. He politely accepts and offers me two tags. I suppose that he expects me to put them on my neck, but I pocket them. I say goodbye, and will myself away, will myself back.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date : 15:2 – Second day – The Aeons




I focus on the juggler. When we become one I change my focus to the Aeons and enter.


I find myself in deep dark space. Stars at a distance, and way down below the world. I start to fall, fast. I ask myself if I should do something to slow down the speed of the fall, but decide against it. Let's see what happens.


I fall. Hard. There's a crater where I fell. The rocks and my bones are shattered. It hurts. I try every trick that I know to heal fast. No results. I think that I'm completely helpless inside a rock hole and I suddenly see them. Creatures like yesterday's demon, coming put of the fog.


I remember yesterday. I refuse to worry and fear. They become smoke and mist and my bones heal.
I come out of the crater to see a path, a kind of dirt road crossing rice fields. I take that road. I see a small oriental man coming my way. I greet him. He cuts me left to right with an upward slash. He continues to walk by while I try to prevent my bowels from falling to the ground. Again I try to heal, with no effect. A bird stitches my wound with pieces of grass. I'm not ok but I can walk. I walk. I see Crowley. Before he can say or do something I punch him straight on the nose. He stands on the path with his hands covering his broken nose. I keep going. The air becomes green and force field like. I use my sword to cut a way. I remember the tags that I was offered yesterday. I remove them from my pocket and the force field goes away. The landscape before me becomes a GIGANTIC open fig. This is too stupid.


I'm obviously on the wrong path.


I go back. I pass by Crowley still holding his nose ( and realize that it is not crowley, below the robes theres something definitively not human ). The oriental man turns back as well. I grab his arm and his neck before he is able to cut me again. He was going to use a downward left to right slash. I rip his arm off. Throw him to the rice fields, body first, arm and katana later.


I leave that path and enter the mist. I see a very small, narrow, path. I suspect. Once again i remove the tags from my pocket and that path disappears. Instead I see two other paths, two stairs carved on the living rock of the mountain. One up, and one down. My wound has healed the moment i left the wrong path. I choose to take the harder path, going up. I start to climb the stairway.


I go up. Up. Up.


I can no longer see the ground and I still can't see the top. I keep going up. My lungs burn. My wounds and bones hurt. Every old pain is awakened and made worse. I think : “It would be easier to go down.”


NO. I grab myself to the rocky walls of the stairway. I grab them with hands and nails. I WILL NOT GO DOWN.


I take a ball from my pocket. It is the ball “ finally getting there”. I keep it up, keep it up.


I finally get there. White mist where the clouds caress the ground. I can't see where to put my feet. At a distance I see a Crystal Palace. This is becoming all too much “stairway to heaven” for me. I still have the problem to see the floor.


Reluctantly I put the tags around my neck. Around me the mist clears. I go to the palace. Outside it is lit like a Las Vegas casino, but inside it is darker and comfortable. I enter a kind of throne room and see M1thr0s, laser like eye and all. I walk to him.
_Hello M1thr0s. What the bleep are you doing here ?


He looks to me and answers :
_ I don't know. This is your pathworking. You should know.


I laugh.
_Teach me something M1thr0s.


We leave the palace, and he takes me to the edge of the mountain. With a broad gesture he shows me the deep space, the universe. I thank him and place the tags around his neck.


I call my merkabah and suddenly realize the my merkabah resembles the unicorsal hexagram.


All those years and I've never noticed it. I thank again and I leave. I fly into the deep space to the place everything started, to the door where i could see the back of the Aeon card. I rip it open, return home.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date : 15:3 - Third day - The Sun

Focus on the juggler until we merge.

Focus on the sigil of the Sun and pass through it.
Light.
LIGht.
LIGHT.

Way too much light.

My shadow burns all around me, helplessly trying to protect me from the light.

I try to escape it, only to find more light and light.
My shadow is consumed by the burning light. I can't see.
I accept the fact that I'm literally flying blind.

I bump into something. I return back to whatever I bumped and see two wire made men, one completely twisted by the accident. With the help of his friend I put the wires on their right position and apologise. The wire men hold their hands and show me their tongues in a child like way.

I keep going, slower.

I reach a point were the light isn't so painful. I find myself inside live action. Cesar ( Julius Caesar ) is discussing with me. He wants me to sell him weapons, new and improved weapons. He demands it. He speaks to me about his responsibility and about the rights of the winner. I feel sic. I don't know if I throw up, or break his neck.
He keeps up with his salesman talk, about the rights given by power. I’m sic. I listen to him and hear every bully, every politician that I’ve known.
Even the bloody light speaks to me about censorship, nothing his kept hidden here, all is to be seen by the dictator. No. I refuse it. I call the merkabah and take off protected, bad-mouthing myself for not thinking about it sooner. I hear Cesar’s voice. “Every man and every woman is a star”

F*ck you.

I return home. I’m very angry.

[Anibis]

Your visions are striking and intense to say the least... I found myself a little struck by this last post. I thought to myself "Are these meditations having a negative effect? What's going on?", and something clued into me: Ceasar is an apt personification of the Grego/julian Calendar which has such a monopoly. IT was Ceasar, after all who took the old Roman calendar of 10 months and fixed it down, instituting the leap year, and such and it was his son who immortalized both himself and his father Julius and Augustus, as July and August. It seems to me that you tapped into precisely this victorious Ceasar of the almighty Roman Calendar which rules so much of our time... The 'Sun' is a twelve petaled rosette in the glyph; an Idea taken from the Thoth deck, which has the zodiac ringed about. Those twelve months/signs are emblematic perhaps of the Gregorian count (which is an adjustment to the Julian)? Sounds like you confronted the 'Big Boss Man' himself, calendrically speaking! Does this make sense to you, or am I off base? What are some of your interpretations of these striking, and somewhat unsettling visions you have had?
-Anibis

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Your visions are striking and intense to say the least... I found myself a little struck by this last post. I thought to myself "Are these meditations having a negative effect? What's going on?", and something clued into me: Ceasar is an apt personification of the Grego/julian Calendar which has such a monopoly. IT was Ceasar, after all who took the old Roman calendar of 10 months and fixed it down, instituting the leap year, and such and it was his son who immortalized both himself and his father Julius and Augustus, as July and August. It seems to me that you tapped into precisely this victorious Ceasar of the almighty Roman Calendar which rules so much of our time... The 'Sun' is a twelve petaled rosette in the glyph; an Idea taken from the Thoth deck, which has the zodiac ringed about. Those twelve months/signs are emblematic perhaps of the Gregorian count (which is an adjustment to the Julian)? Sounds like you confronted the 'Big Boss Man' himself, calendrically speaking!


lol. The Big Boss Man. That's an apt description. It didn't felt like it was calendrical, or just calendrical. It was the Sun on the heavens and Old Julius on Earth. He was Imperator, above the other men. He reminded me of other emperors and the use of the sun icon in each empire. Even Adolf used the swastika and that is a solar sign. And yes it was calendrical because there's a cycle to empires, until their downfall.
Is this making any sense ?
Does this make sense to you, or am I off base? What are some of your interpretations of these striking, and somewhat unsettling visions you have had
I think that the most calendrical of all was the second, the Aeons. The would be samurai was a symbol of the past, and the crowley like creature was an alternative of the future. I refused them both. It is significant that the second strike of the oriental man is the exact oposit of the first, like a pendulum going back.

[Naomi]

Suddenly I see someone. The person looks like Naomi Chan and I greet her. The person hisses and snarls and her teeth change to serpent like teeth, coming out of her mouth.I start to juggle to distract it.
The person keeps changing and in a few moments there is nothing human about it, it has become some sort of slim beast with evil eyes. I throw one of the balls against its teeth. It gets stuck in them, preventing the creature from bitting. I start to walk away but I realize that the ball that i threw was one of my spells, one of the realities I'm creating. I return near the creature and I remove the ball. I won't sacrifice my projects and power to my fears. The creature starts to shrivel until it becomes dust and nothing.

Just remember - she's more scared of you than you are of her!

"I mean, these are all just little pink bits here (pointing at his arm) and are just curing up now. I've been recently filming a nine-and-a-half-foot female crocodile I had to catch. Oh, man, she bit me up! That was a mistake."

- Steve Irwin

All the Best,

Naomi

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Just remember - she's more scared of you than you are of her!

The idea has crossed my mind. Thanks for your input.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date: 15:4 - 4th day – May 07/2007 – The Ocean

I focus on the juggler and upon melting with him, I turn my attention to the Ocean. I go through the card and I fall on the sea.

I grab some drift wood and swim ashore. I take out my clothes to dry and dive again on the sea. I come up to breath and dive again, deeper this time. I see a mermaid and she sees me. She has long moonlight color hair, mother of pearl like teeth and nails and a guppy colored tail.
Her eyes almost come out of their sockets with surprise as she looks at my legs and sex. Suppose that she never saw such deformities. My endurance is running out . Slowly and always looking and smiling at her I come up and breath. She comes up with me and we laugh when our heads come out of the water. We see several ships coming by. I feel the stench of death and swim ashore. She doesn't. Steel nets and poison wound the ocean floor and the water turns from emerald green to black. Half of her body floats to the beach. I suppose that the captain of those ships is now feasting while eating her tail. Or perhaps it is being saved for some special customer. It doesn't matter really. Her upper body is already putrid and I bury it with a few dozen coconuts, the only clean water that is possible to find now.

I go to the center of the island and I find a carpet. I take the carpet and leave some juggling balls. I sit on the carpet and fly, fly for hours. I was wrong. It is possible to poison the ocean, it is possible to destroy the mother and turn her liquid jewels into black pus. I fly until I reach a place where a new island is being born. It is still under water and there isn't yet sand or rock. It is still flesh, the tender skin of mother. I apologize and bury big steel needles in it upon a specific pattern. Big currents force the ships and their poisons to concentrate in a specific place. Volcanoes come out of the ocean floor and those ships and their poison get stranded, without being able to leave.

I touch several of the needles, changing the currents, increasing the currents and the Chi. The ocean slowly starts to get emerald green again.

I fly on the carpet to the place where the ships are. I drop a coconut on the captain's head. I fly back, to the place I once was and return..

[Anibis]

Coconut on the head. Nice one... Like a demented Warner Bros Cartoon! I love your visuals.. dark and intense, but honest and Illuminating...
-Anibis

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date: 15:5 - 5th day – May 08/2007 – The Man

The usual method of entering .

I find myself above a dirt road.
I fall.
I get up, start to clean up.

The sky is red. It is either sunset or sunrise. Over the horizon I see a city.

A man comes by the road leading two oxen pulling a cart.
The oxen are HUGE., and have a hump on their backs, similar but bigger to the humps of the arabian camels.

The man talks to me without words about the oxen. Tells me what can be done with their fat, the way they hibernate on frozen lakes, with only their nostrils above the ice. I pay attention. One of these days I can find myself leading or breeding these creatures.

I decide to move a bit faster. I want to reach the city before noon. I say goodbye.

I freeze after 3 or 4 meters.

During the middle ages people believed that the most resilient and powerful beast of burden was the camel. Two camel like oxen, that BIG, pulling such a small cart... I have to look.
Over the cart there are two small boxes. One the size of a match box. The other the size of a box of cigars. I pick the smaller box. A violet mist escapes from it. The other box falls to the ground. There is no longer man or cart.
I see wings growing on the oxen. They fly.
I screwed up. Badly. I'm stuck in a place I don't know with a box that can be pandora's box or something like that.

I hope that those guys don't crap while they fly.

I pick up the bigger box. I leave it on the ground. It is HEAVY. No wonder it was needed two creatures like that.

I take away my shirt and roll it. I make a sort of cloth base and put it over my head. I place the box over it, carrying the weigth the way african women have done during ages. I start to walk, slowly. I need to rest after a few steps.

I arrive to the city almost at sunset. I go to the nearest temple. In front of the stairs I find a stone altar with an opening the exact size of the box. I place the box in it.

The altar and the ground collaps with a twisting motion. The box cracks up. A glitering mist starts to come out of it. I touch the mist. It is Hope, Force and Disciplin. This night Hope, Force and Disciplin will spread all over this city.

I feel happy

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date: 15:6 - 6th day – May 09/2007 – The Tower

I breath in the juggler and dive into the Tower.

I'm in front of a mayan like piramide.
I've been here before. I know I was.

I prepare myself to climb it but remember climbing it barefoot and almost naked. I wonder if the memory is mine.
It doesn't matter really. I take off my shoes, socks, trench coat and shirt.
I start to climb.
The stairs are too steep, and I mistrust them. I let go of my pride and start to climb it on all fours.. Half way to the climb I find out that some of the stair's steps spin, when they have weight on them. If I were standing, I would have fallen and my broken body would be down there. Nice trap.
I carry on. I'm almost up. I test the last 10 steps. Traps all of them. If I want to get to the top, I'm going to have to jump, and it won't be an easy jump.

I focus , I breath, I check once again where i'm standing and I jump.

I land over steel spikes, with perhaps 2 cm in length ( almost 1 inch ).
I shout in pain but keep my eyes open and searching. I see a man like figure and I take the spikes of my foot and throw them at the man. Before he has enough time to feel the pain i'm over him. He doesn't move. I remove his sacrificial dagger and the huge jade mask that he is wearing and break them. I pick up the slab of the sacrificial table and throw it down. Now what ?
A dead enemy that probably died of the shock of realizing that I was still able to act and fight when I arrived there, a broken altar, a broken dagger and a broken sacrificial mask. What else ?
I'm loosing blood, my foot hurts and I still have to get down. and getting down will probably be trickier than getting up.

Less talk and more action. Get down there

Almost half way down I see several dragons and flying serpents flying around me. I don't know if I should be worried or not.

One of the snakes flies to my foot and licks the wound. The tingling, pain and blood loss stop. I utter a subvocal thanks and keep descending. 10 steps more and I see dogs down there.

The bloody stupid beasts are obviously intoxicated by the smell of blood, and will do something stupid when I get closer to them. I'll probably be forced to hurt them. Damn.

The flying snakes fly to the soil . Aparently their presence bothers the dogs a lot. They leave.

Another one to thank the snakes.

I get down there. I thank them and sit myself on a step of the stairs to rest.
The step spins and i end up with my ass on the ground.

I burst up laughing.

I see a mandala.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date: 15:7 - 7th day – May 10/2007 – The Horned One

The usual method of entering.

I enter a pitch black plane. It reminds me of the Book of Genesis.

I travel along the Darkness to a distant light.

I approach the light. It is a kind of “bubble” of living flesh, radiating light.
I see it change shape and become almost human, except for the horns and the bat like wings.

I keep on the Dark and realize that there are other creatures here. The first thing I see is a pair of falcon like wings, only bigger, and I realize that those wings belong to an angel like creature. Except for the wings it’s body is very much human, but the head and the eyes remind me as well of an hawk/falcon.

Something pushes me out.
I’m again on my chair.

I re-enter.
Darkness.

The Angels around the horned creature.
Pushed out again.

One hour later I retry.
I enter what can be called a catacomb, but I know it is a school.

Down here there is no one. They’re probably out there enjoying the sun. I climb out.
The horned creature pulls me up by my right arm. I don’t feel any aggression on it, just desire to help. He is with several young angel like creatures. This place is their school.

The first angel like creature that I saw is coming my way. He brings Darkness with him. The moment that I’m surrounded by it I see. I see the man that the horned creature will become.
I see him on his office , with 3 phones.
Each time that he puts down a phone he gets another business done. I see factories growing, employment rising up, deserts blooming, poverty banished from the life of people.

I see him die at 55.

I see his completely clean and human spirit entering the realm of the school, being welcomed by the angel like creatures.

I leave.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date: 15:8 - 8th day – May 11/2007 – Alchemy

I find myself in a sky that is a kaleidoscope of color. I walk on air. I'm not floating. I'm walking over solidified air. After several steps I fall. I allow myself to free fall for a while, but call upon my merkabah to avoid getting hurt or dying.
I land near a fountain, whose magick is creating the solid air. I touch the water with the middle finger of my left hand and watch it change. It has become the finger of a dragon, scales, claw and all.
Interesting.
I drink from the water, and them drink a bit more.
I close my eyes.
The water changes me. It decodifies my “junk” DNA. It clears all my blocks.

My body changes to the body of a dragon, I call Ningizzida, and then surprisingly my body keeps changing until it becomes a perfect human body. A kind of radiating vitality emanates from me. The radiating energy burned my clothes. I'm completely naked and my penis is erect and solid like it is made of hardwood and bronze.

Instead of wasting my time admiring it i sit in lotus position under a tree and start to meditate. My penis starts to change. It becomes a falcon and leaves my body. The falcon flies until he finds another falcon that has come from a woman. He sees the woman. The falcons mate.
The female lays two eggs. She takes one and he takes the other. Both falcons return to their persons.
My falcon becomes my penis again and the egg opens inside me adding it's energy and newness to my bodymindspirit. I am changed.

A single flower blooms on the tree. All my cells smile.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date: 15:9 - 9h day – May 12/2007 – Death

As I enter, i feel the card wounding me in my back.
I’m in the desert, under the scorching Sun.
This is no place for a wounded man.

I dig a hole on the sand and cover it with my trench coat. It is cooler here. Far cooler.
I rest.. I leave my hole during the night. I’m in the middle of the desert, lost, wounded and without any water. First I need to solve the water problem. I urinate on my hands and drink it. I take care not to loose a drop. This may be my only water and salt for a long time. It is getting cold but I open my shirt and coat. I’m going to walk for a long time and I can’t afford to sweat. I choose a direction. I start to walk. I do a working and reinforce it with every step I take.
There is no moon but the starts allow me to see perfectly where I’m going. I walk all night. By day break I left the sand behind and I’m walking over rock. The rock is cracked in several places. I choose an opening that I can enter and leave easily. I block the sun with my coat.

I see a lizard. He’s a good omen. If he’s here there must be some water around. I wonder if I should eat the poor fellow. I choose not to. He is the bringer of good news and besides I’m not that desperate that I need to take a life for such a small meal.

I hear a chirping sound. I look up. I see a runner falcon. Good. I’m in Africa, and there has to be water close. I leave the hole and start searching.

I arrive to a place where the water is flowing. It has at the most 2 mm depth and the bottom is covered with green algae. I taste the water. It is so bitter and filled with salts that would probably kill me. I drink my piss again. It is darker and it tastes worse. Better that than death.

I decide to see where does this water comes from. Perhaps close to the fountain it is better. Two hours latter I arrive to a crack on the rocks. A small thread of water is flowing. I taste it. It is good. I put my lips over it and drink like a vampire, until my stomach is full.

I climb the rocks. At a distance I can see the sea and a village. I go there.

People offer me a delicious fish soup and goat milk.

I search my pockets for something to pay. A crystal, a Swiss army knife, a Visa card. Someone produces a hand held terminal. I pay for the meal and book a boat to take me home. As the boat arrives I think that globalisation has its virtues.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date: 15:10 - 10th day – May 13/2007 – The hanged man.


I enter the card.

I’m on a ledge. A bloody fall behind me and an almost solid mist is front. There is something comic book like about this.. That doesn’t make me feel safer. I start to walk, pushing back the mist. Has I move the ledge starts to crack and fall. One , two, three, four, five steps… I’m almost falling and I feel something on my neck.. I touch it with my left hand, it is a kind of ethereal rope. I grab it and find myself supporting all of my body weight on my left harm. The wound I received yesterday starts to bleed. I grab myself with both hands and start to climb. I need to climb a bit more before I can remove the rope from my neck. I climb, painfully. I manage to move my position, I put my legs up and grab the rope with my left leg. I use both hands to remove the rope from my neck. After that I get back to climbing. There’s something up there… it looks like the border of a comic book. I keep up. Hanging on the mist I see the card again . I fell through it. As I enter I will my hands to go up. To grab. There’s the bloody rope.
The bump almost makes me let go of it. I’m hanging from a tree. There’s a very solid rope around my neck and I’m heavy as lead in here, no way I can make the same stunt in here.
I don’t want to die. I won’t die. I start to swing. That bloody branch will break. I don’t care how, but that branch has to break …Now…
The branch breaks… I open the rope enough to breathe. I sit myself with my back against the tree, panting.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date: 15:11 - 11th day – May 14/2007 –Balance

I’m on top of a tree, looking down. This tree is huge, it is at least 70 meters high and so wide that it would take 16 average people to embrace it.

I pick a few fruits and place them on the table. It’s a tree house. Not just the small construction above the tree, but the whole tree. It was excavated and had most of its wood removed using micro-robotics without damaging the tree. Quite the opposite. There are lots of rooms on this tree and the one that is close to the floor level is carved with bind runes and has specific crystals inside it. That way Chi is channelled in a way that is good both for the tree and me. The tree is happy that I’m here, and so am I.

I’m expecting friends. Patricia and Daniel arrive by the bridge. Patricia is flushed. They should have taken the elevator to get here.

We eat, drink and chat. They’re teasing me telling that I’m so much of a hermit that I had to come to the jungle to live.
I show them the thousands of other trees like my own and ask “my” tree to show them how many are habituated by people like me. They gas p as they see, thousands and thousands of trees like mine, thousands and thousands of families. Enough people to be called a city and enough biodiversity to be called a jungle. I joke: “It is a jungle out there.”

Micro-robotics and servitors have taught the animals not to attack us, and we for the most part respect them. I ask a hybrid robot/servitor to bring me a plate of raw meat. I feel that someone is coming.

As soon has the plate is placed on the table I hear wings. A great harpia the biggest species of eagle in the world comes by. First she lands in a branch. She sees the meat and flies to the table. She looks at us with those fierce eyes. Her talons can break a man’s harm without too much effort. She relaxes a bit and starts to eat. She eats all the meat. She was hungry. She walks a few steps in our direction and poops on the plate. She walks a few steps more. She is waiting. I move my hand slowly in her direction, very slowly, and then I touch her. A kind of sigh comes from her, like someone that made something that was very afraid to do and having done if finds it a good experience. I caress her. Patricia and Daniel do the same. She is with her eyes closed, enjoying. She opens her eyes again. She turns her back to us. Flies away.
She will be nineteen tomorrow. She will be dead tomorrow and knows it. This was an hello and a goodbye.

Silently I bless her and feel my friends doing the same.

She isn’t the only one leaving. Tomorrow I will leave as well. The tree will enjoy/use the Chi all for itself.

I’ll spend next 30 years in an artificial island, a place as big as Greenland, that was created to be a reservation for bears, seals, fish, whales, and big cats. We were so successful with the salmon, that nowadays even tigers, jaguars, lions and leopards eat salmon during the season.

I feel well and happy, and perhaps a little sad as well.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date: 15:12 - 12th day – May 15/2007 – The wheel

I’m on a train. I see my chacras and the chacras of everybody else. I leave the train near the beach. I go to the beach. I keep seeing everyone’s chacras. I watch the flow of energy and action… and suddenly I realize that I’m seeing small wheels. Not the chacras. It is as if any action created a wheel that went to some other place and bumped, creating another action. Action/wheel – Movement – Result. Each specific wheel creating a specific result. I ask myself loudly if that is what Rin calls Hitsuzen, a result that could be no other.
I’m approached by a guy that looks like Oazaki’s and Saint Cyril’s love child. He is tall, handsome, and he has a mission. He starts to talk about using wheels and hitsuzen for his messianic work. I don’t like Messiahs. I tell him that it is not that easy, and make him and his minions push a tractor wheel up hill. I forget to tell him that the tire is filled with dried up cement.
He goes away, sweating and panting. When I stop seeing him I decide to make a test. I create a wheel to bring me a woman. I launch the wheel and two seconds latter it comes back, far bigger , bringing inside a dream like woman. The wheel dissolves into thin air and the woman lands in my lap. GOD, she is gorgeous…I wonder if I really deserve all of that.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date: 15:13 - 13th day – May 16/2007 – The hermit


I’m inside a church.
It is filled with people. It is too dark, I decide to leave…It is not the church, it is the people, and they aren’t really dark, they lack… light… it is as if they’re already dead while they’re still alive. I see The Kurgan inside the church…he’s scaring the people…As I approach him he looks into my eyes and silently lets me pass.
I come to the street and the broad daylight, but I feel that I’m in the dark. I see people and they lack life. I am alone but it is their stance that cries out Loneliness.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date: 15:14 - 14th day – May 17/2007 – The strength


I’m walking in the rain. People with umbrellas, raincoats and a look of suffering look baffled at me. I’m only wearing shoes, trousers and a shirt, I’m completely wet and I keep walking calmly in the rain. I like the rain. I feel nice. It won’t be that simple rain, or the horrified looks of people that will stop me from taking a stroll.

I see a blind wo/man. S/He’s having trouble with her umbrella and cane and is dangerously close to the road. I jump forward. In two steps I’m near the blind person and offer me to help. I ask where the person is going and say that I’m going to the same place. I take him/her there.

There is a nice restaurant two doors up. I’m going to have dinner.

I enter. I sit down. I’m wet. Most people are almost as wet as me, but they come in with devices to avoid the rain, namely umbrellas. A young waiter is dispatched to tell me to go away, but he can’t. My presence is far too imposing for him and he watches appalled as my clothes dry up in front of his eyes.

I order the food. While I eat I think about the Balance. Strength without Balance is a deformity. But it has also to have purpose.

I pay and leave the restaurant, back to the rain. I’m going home.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Since the first day that i started this that I remember a signature I saw on OF.
" I wish I had done a lot of acid on the 60's, because now I would have a reason for all the hallucinations that I keep seeing "
;)

[Anibis]

How fares the wanderer?
-A-

[1000ShadesofGrey]

The wanderer fares well, I think, but behind the schedule on posting. Sorry. Will try to update today.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date: 15:15 - 15th day – May 18/2007 – The Chariot

There’s a man, perhaps a roman general on a chariot. The crowd greets him. He’s overwhelmed with joy. I’m hidden inside the chariot I pull his clothes and say “remember that you’re only a man”. I do this 4 or 5 times.
I find myself inside another chariot. There are still some battles to be fought but there is no doubt that victory will be ours. I pull the clothes of the general and tell him the same words. He gets very angry and kicks me out of the chariot.
I’m a general, driving my own chariot. I tell to my army “remember that I’m only a man”. We fight, kill and win…”I’m Only a man”.
Someone talks of organizing a triumph. I refuse it, “I’m only a man”. The triumph gets organized. I get away from the city, abandon my chariot on the outskirts of the forest and go away. I will not be tempted, I am a man.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date: 15:16 - 16th day – May 19/2007 – The Lovers

I light a perfect wax candle. As I meditate the candle is slowly consumed by the flame, a single drop of wax, until the end.

I put together two perfect wax candles and I light them. The two flames become one, and start to burn and melt the wax at the edges. There’s wax dripping all over. The flame is consuming a bit more than half of the candles and the other half becomes twisted, maimed beyond repair.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date: 15:17 - 17th day – May 20/2007 – The Teacher

I dive inside the card. I find Dr. Strange and we greet each other. He doesn’t teach me anything new, but we talk with some depth about things that I already know.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date: 15:18 - 18th day – May 21/2007 – The Star

I’m in the deep dark space. Ahead I see a cluster of stars. I fly to it. The stars grow arms and pull me. I’m in the middle of thousands of people. “Well, what is the surprise ? -says someone inside my mind – Stars are people, too”
I see Paris Hilton walking in my direction with a sad expression. She kisses my face and goes away. A thought that doesn’t belong to me pops inside my head “ Someone’s sense of humour is doing overtime.”
Someone discusses stars with me, the Mantak Chia’s techniques and the way that I used the stars while inside the death card to add oomph to my spell and survive in the desert. Stars are people too.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date: 15:19 - 19th day – May 22/2007 – The Woman

As I prepare myself to dive inside the card, I see it as an open vagina and I’m assaulted by thoughts of extreme violence. I get back and clean my mind. The same happens again. Once again I return. I banish the violent thoughts and dive deep inside the card/vagina.
A weapon is expecting me, a wooden staff, covered with bronze and iron rings. I can feel the spirit and intent of the person that created it. I would appreciate it very much if the staff wasn’t breaking my bones and actively trying to kill me.
I will it to stop. I regenerate my body and get out of there.
I find myself on a beach.
Nobody.
I take off my clothes and prepare myself for a swim, when I see someone at a distance. Whoever it is already saw that I’m naked and is naked as well. I decide to walk in its direction and greet the person. It is a woman. No. It is The Woman.
I’m overwhelmed with joy.
“I’m happy to see you here, now.”- I say – “Today I was taught how to love you perfectly”.
She half smiles.
I try to touch/caress her face with the tips of my fingers. My hand becomes a demon paw with needle thin, razor sharp talons, that leave cuts where there should be only the slightest touch. I blow a healing spell and remove my hand.
Am I really a demon inside or am I being poisoned by her fear?
She starts to go away. I want to stop her but I fear that I’ll hurt her or worse if I try.
I think of the women that will enjoy the things that I learned for her.
I think that I need time to find a cure for her fear or for the way her fear affects me.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date: 15:20 - 20th day – May 23/2007 – The Priestess

I enter what seems a hall. The priestess comes to me, gives me some wax tablets and a writing tool and tells me to write. I hesitate what to write. I hesitate. After thinking too much I write: “I have written”.
The priestess enter the hall and checks what I wrote. She slaps me hard.
“If you don’t write, others will write for you. Now write“.
I start to write and she commands me “Come after me" . Her steps are fast and powerful. She climbs a slope, that is getting more and more steep. She climbs it all but I’m stuck I can’t climb it and I don’t have time to write my climb on the book. I need some kind of copy paste tool that takes me away from this place and saves my life. I search in my pocket for the same ball that I used when I visited the Aeons “ the finally getting there” ball. I see above several arms stretched to me. I grab and I am grabbed by them and I’m pulled up. I can’t see the book or the ball but I know damn well that I’ll be writing a lot from now on.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date: 15:21 - 21st day – May 24/2007 – The Magickian

I enter the card.
Dr. Strange is expecting me.
He gives me instructions in a a somewhat militaristic way.
Through my head, flows what can be called a primer in magick.
I look again, and I'm alone.
An empty Universe and no Magickian.
Wait.
There is a Magickian.
I Am the Magickian.
This is my card, my Universe to create upon.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date: 15:22 - 22nd day – May 25/2007 – The Fool

I enter madness.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date: 15:23 - 23rd day – May 26/2007 – The Fool

Madness.
I saw an hobo today...I've seen him before...He is a sort of mage, I'm sure of it.
He laughed at me and made a gesture, a blessing/curse ...

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date: 15:24 - 24th day – May 27/2007 – The Magickian.

The magickian is pissed...He didn't want me to reverse the movement. He expected me to jump from fool back to the world. bringing with me all the higer energy and vibration and do it like that until the end of the 88days, the mercury year.
Perhaps he is right, but I started this way, and will keep it.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date: 15:25 - 25th day – May 28/2007 – The Priestess
Date: 15:26 - 26th day – May 29/2007 – The Woman

James Bond is going to have his egregore blitzed one of these days. Pig.

Date: 15:27 - 27th day – May 30/2007 – The Star
Date: 15:28- 28th day – May 31/2007 – The Teacher
Date 15: 29 - 29th day - June 01/2007 - The Lovers
Date: 15:30 - 30th day – June 02/2007 – The Chariot
Date: 15:31 - 31st day – June 03/2007 – The Strength
Date: 15:32 - 32nd day – June 04/2007 – The Hermit
Date: 15:30 - 33rd day – June 05/2007 – The Wheel
I'm chased by a tire. It is built in steel mesh and solid rubber. If it hits me it will hurt me. It hits me and turns me into a blood stain on the road.
I call my merkabah and reintegrate inside it. I watch. I see as all my actions and non action led me to that path, how every action that I make creates a rippling effect. I remember again the concept of hitsuzen.
I grab the tire and send it downhill, to a place where all my enemies are. Let them become a blood stain.

[Anibis]

Hey Shades, how are ya'? Sorry to be out of touch... I'm behind on my posts pretty bad... are you still with us? I do like your intense visions, I must say...
-Anibis

[1000ShadesofGrey]

I'm also very much behind my posts...And most of last "visions" have been of an overly graphic and violent manner...too graphic and too violent to be posted.
However I finally uinderstood something...
To me it was very important the concept of Holy Ground...I remember the shock I felt when Indira Ghandi ordered her troops to invade the Golden Temple...I've been in and out temples, grooves, churches and always behaved correctly, showing respect to the entities and people, and never ever considered the idea of violence in such places...Untill now...
Now I understand that a temple can be so vilified that only extremelly violent death and suffering can clean those acts.
I realized that I was ready and willing to hit a man inside a church with a meat hamer, untill his brains where all over the altar, and his bones so broken that one could play marbles with them.

[Naomi]

nice...your honesty is great

[Anibis]

Did the TC spark this realization? I'd be interested to know... What constitutes such vilified ground? Who is the man you would hit with the hammer? I must say I'm astonished at how intense many of these visions are... Do you feel like the primary insights are personal to your psyche, or do you think that some of them are related to the structure of the Tarot? I am just curious, as the level of darkness seems to be considerably high here, and I definitely wish to be able to warn people of it as a possible manifestation when working this magick. I get a fair deal of dark energy, too, but it is very well channeled, and does not usually manifest in such extreme forms. Again, I will assume that you are okay unless you ask for help. THis is a group working though, so we are able to support each other is it is necessary. Just ask. Thanks for the intesity and the honesty... If the TC is able to do anything, it should be ablt to permit a person to see many visions of many things without impelling them to act... one should develop a roving over-mind which suspends judgement and action, but which allows for the unfolding of creative projects over time. If you don't find actual *good luck* arising as a consequence of this working, darkness aside, you should definitely consider how useful it is...
-Anibis

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date : 16:01 - 31July07

I assume the Juggler GodForm. It is less elegant than the result of me merging with it.

I enter the world.

I see soil. Nothing but dry, dark brown soil.

I almost see trees, houses, sewer treatment plants, but they are not there. Nothing is there but the dark brown soil. And for them to be there I have to decide, I need to choose if they become projects or remain as dreams.

The soil is thirsty for moisture, thirsty for my sweat.

This can/will be a good year. I can/will make it so.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Did the TC spark this realization? I'd be interested to know... What constitutes such vilified ground? Who is the man you would hit with the hammer?
Such vilified ground is a church. The man a well known banker. He is a member of Opus Dei and was made a Knight of Malta during a mass in that church...He is supposed to be a benefactor for mankind...He tried an hostile take over of another bank and if he had suceded, 4300 people would become unemployed.
I must say I'm astonished at how intense many of these visions are... Do you feel like the primary insights are personal to your psyche, or do you think that some of them are related to the structure of the Tarot? I am just curious, as the level of darkness seems to be considerably high here, and I definitely wish to be able to warn people of it as a possible manifestation when working this magick.
I don't know. But my life is rather dark now, so it is possible that it is only my problem.
I get a fair deal of dark energy, too, but it is very well channeled, and does not usually manifest in such extreme forms. Again, I will assume that you are okay unless you ask for help. THis is a group working though, so we are able to support each other is it is necessary. Just ask. Thanks for the intesity and the honesty...
I'm ok. Thanks.
If the TC is able to do anything, it should be ablt to permit a person to see many visions of many things without impelling them to act... one should develop a roving over-mind which suspends judgement and action, but which allows for the unfolding of creative projects over time. If you don't find actual *good luck* arising as a consequence of this working, darkness aside, you should definitely consider how useful it is...
-Anibis

Well, I need to test it more. Just started a new Thoth count.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date : 16:02 - 01August07

I assume the Juggler GodForm. I enter the Aeons.

I find myself over stone stairs. I have been here, in the beginning...I hesitate...should I climb it again ?

The soil close to the stairs is full of mist...a thick, boiling, white as smoke mist. There is something travelling in the mist... A Vampire like hand ? A shark Fin ? I don't know...I almost feel tempted to dive into the mist, but i decide against it. I'll climb the stairs instead.
I pick a ball from my poket and see me on it finishing the climb.
I start climbing...I stop...I'm way up..I can't see the beginning but I can't see the end as well...why did I stop ?
There is something in the wall, a glyph drawn in gold over the rock...It is the Juggler. I touch it and it releases/covers me with a gold glow/light.

It is an healing light...if i keep it with me It will solve my current health and keep me alive for 4 to 5 years more...at least...
I enter the symbol on the wall and find me in a room with my most important projects...Nice...Not enough...I focus on sending the light to someone that needs it more.
I see the ligth solving all her health problems...i pray that it is true and not an illusion.
I return to the stairs...I need to keep focusing on the end of my quest but without loosing sigth of the details...How horrible would be to loose the gift of that light. What as waste ...

I get up there...


I half expect to see m1thr0s again, but i find Wolverine instead....

We talk for a while...I ask him not to kill me...yet...

I follow his advice and return home.



http://forums.abrahadabra.com/images/styles/abrahadabra/misc/progress.gif

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date : 16:03 - 02 August07

I assume the JugglerGodform.
I enter the Sun.

I'm in the middle of the ligth, and I try to make people see. I have some leaflets that I show people but they pass by without seeing them or me...

I remember and understand the dream I had... I was on a train with a blind woman, grabbed her hand and placed it over my face... If i want people to see, i need to find the way they see.

I return.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date : 16:04 03August07

I assume the JugglerGodform.
I enter the Ocean.

I find myself over a windsurf board. I'm on the left side. I look and I see a shark. I pass to the rigth side of the board and see another shark on the rigth side. I let go of the sail and levitate as fast as possible out of there.

I land on the beach.

I bend myself to touch the water and a crab that was hidden under the sand cuts me on the wrist. It is a bad wound. I throw a ball against the crabs chelae ( claws ) and while he's distracted I stomp on him as hard and as fast as I can.

I hardly have to time to remove my foot before the other crabs eat the corps of the one the cut me and the ball. Nasty buggers. I'll remember not to take a dip on those waters.

Some of my blood fell into the water. It seems that a few dozens of sharks are atracted to it.

Let them be. I won't be caugth in this trap.

I levitate away, levitate back.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date : 16:04 - 04August07

I assume the JugglerGodform
I enter the Man

I find myself on a road...I see again the Man with the two Oxes and I try to avoid Him.

He telepathicaly speaks with me and seems surprised about my bad manners, avoiding him and not even saying hello.

I telepathically apologize and remember that the other day i ended up with their load and their job ... nothing i want to do today... so ...hello and Goobye.

I enter another road.

I Go UP, I Go Down. Up. Down. Up. Down.Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Whem I thougth that the bloody road wouldn't end I see a house. I enter. I'm called to the kitchen and spend the rest of the day doing sandwiches.

[1000ShadesofGrey]

Date : 16:04 - 05August07

I assume the Juggler Godform
I enter the Tower

I find myself in front of a old, ruined, tower.I see nothing but garbage...I suppose that this was a powerful place, filled with soldiers but now it is a shadow of what it once was...

I see the Templar Knigths surrounding the tower.
F**k! They won't get me!

I enter the tower, climb all those rothing stairs and get to the top room.

Bloody F*****s! i Cut the palm of my hands and apply it to the wall stones...The tower changes.

It becomes a electronic, 25th century state of the art war tower. Lightning comes out of the tower, and vaporizes hundreds of my enemies. The tower starts to burn. I make it go down , inside the floor and return up with the fire out.

I vaporize more.

I feel a sharp pain on my back. The tower returns to its rothen state. A Templar is at my back, gloating, sword in hand.

I throw a rock at his head and dive over him with another stone in hand. I smash his skull…

I have a few minutes, no more than 2 or 3 to escape.

I punch the corps again.

I remove his armour and dress it .
I cut his head. I get down there with his head in hand and throw it to my enemies…I have to use this few seconds of confusion while they think that the severed head is mine.


I climb up to his horse, grab it’s hair and slap it hard with the flat of the sword. I’m no horse rider but today this beast is going to fly.


I let it ride, not caring where s/he will go. When we pass near the river I jump to the water and dive deep. I get ride of the armour, and get back, to the point where I started.

I return.