darkside of my life.

[al_zaine]

Part 1

I am writing because once again I am unsure
What am I living for?
Why am I living?
My heart is always sore
My head always looking towards the floor
The world seems to be a haze; I hope this is just a phase.
Oh World! I am stuck in one place
A prisoner to my own ways
Too many lost days.
Oh Life! I hope this is a phase.
I wallow in death always counting my breath
Always counting my sighs
Is this all a Lie
Is this all there is
To rise in science and mathematics
Technological advancements
The pride of our creation
To live on a space station
A journey through space and time
Continually
What does it mean to be?
We are all together on this
Nobody knows
What is this!



part2



Everyday the world is
Everyday the world spins
In the end nobody wins
What are we competing for?
There is no ladder to climb
Nobody is above or below
The lie of the world is Man’s lie
Who are we kidding but ourselves?
Where did all this originate
The compulsion to hate
How did all this arise?
The desire to divide
Who holds the beacon of light?
Come and illuminate my life
Show me to the path of glory
I walk on the bones of the past
And now I excite the Idea to lay with them
The horizon ahead of me and I chase it continually
But it is impossibility
Is this some sick joke
I don’t care to say in the end
I broke
This madness of a world speaks aloud
Yet the beauty remains silent
Can I say it any clearer?

[m1thr0s]

very good prose al_zaine...I used to write a lot of poetry myself (probably a great shock to some)...

but let me ask you so as to be clear...do you want or are you even interested in exploring different points of view on those things expressed? This needs to be asked since poetry often has its own agenda and works out its own issues through the vehicle of expression without recourse to outside opinions...you toss a stone...you watch the ripples...you don't always need some asshole telling you some other way to toss the stone...

m1thr0s

[al_zaine]

...do you want or are you even interested in exploring different points of view on those things expressed?
m1thr0s

Hey there.
Really apprecciate the post and I totally understand what you're saying.
In other forums Ive posted a writing of mine and nobody replied which I found frustrating. When I asked them what they thought of it through PM they'd say they liked it but didn't want to add nothing to it, because it was my piece of art but the only reason I put it out there is for feedback.
The things that I have expressed are difficulties in my life that I struggle to get around and with someone else's view on what is being expressed I can come closer to overcoming my troubles and having some clarity in my life.
Feel compelled to add your opinions, we all have them:)

[m1thr0s]

We almost need a special sort of rules (er, guidelines?) for *critiquing* poetry, art , music...(gawd what an awful term)...

I think what I might want to do is limit myself to the whole issue of *authenticity*, since that has special value to writers. It is unfortunately also the most sensitive sort of thing to address.

But I am thinking that the whole notion of the *ring of truth* might be sort of useful because it is something that can be looked at from multiple perspectives and doesn't have to be some sort of absolute thing...it can very often just be a sharing of perceptions for whatever that may be worth...

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so...at the beginning of part 2 you say:

Everyday the world is
Everyday the world spins
In the end nobody wins
What are we competing for?
There is no ladder to climb
Nobody is above or below
The lie of the world is Man’s lie

I love the last line in particular but found myself sort of choking on the assertion *nobody wins*. I'm not so sure if that is true (as it stands), but at the same time I think we have a duality going on here so it may just be that there was a lot there that needed to be set up a little differently...

In other words...I do believe that there are ways to *win* but I also understand and agree that the whole *canned competition* thing is bullshit...just something we have all been unwittingly looped into to grease the wheels of industry or whatever...

so not a critique...and not a criticism...just something I found myself feeling uncertain about as i read it...

I hope that is of any use...it's difficult to open up these kinds of discussions i think. I'd hate to put a damper on anybody's creativity just on the basis of my own ideas...

m1thr0s

[al_zaine]

My friend, let me start of by saying that when I wrote this (last night) I basically tried to let the words flow out of me as easily as possible yet at the same time trying to maintain some sort of order. I guess you can look it as life itself for are we not continually at war with order and chaos. I had a lot of thoughts and emotions building up and I just had to get it out in one of the ways I enjoy most, which is writing.
I'm not excactly great at English in the sense of building sentences, which i'm trying to work on but neverless I like to let the thoughts and emotions shape the page itself almost like a painter with a paint brush. Some lines contain other 'levels' of meaning as I try to convey my feeling with certain words that hopefully carry the intended feeling(S).
I posted this in another forum with a subtitle "take from it what thou will" and I think its fair to say the same goes for its opposite. "Give to it what thou will".... meaning reply with whatever you want to, in whatever way you want to.
I'm happy that you're liked some of it, and the part which you have presented I shall try and deal with.
Basically I don't belive in the end there are winners and there are losers. To be honest, I have considered the fact that we were once sperm and we won when we nestled in the egg and with that, in life we are all winners.
With life in the system created by Man, the false competition which has led this world into the state it is, there can only be loss, so in the end when your life is the systems life you are a loser because it takes your life away for the fancy gadgets and cosy homes ect. (bear in mind that I could extend on my meaning but will keep it to a limit for the sake of getting the point across).
If you could elaborate on what you mean about *authenticity*. Does this have something to do with originality or are you talking about Truth. Are they the same? lol.
Peace.
Al

[m1thr0s]

If you could elaborate on what you mean about *authenticity*. Does this have something to do with originality or are you talking about Truth. Are they the same?the exact role of authenticity varies somewhat with different genres but is always a vital factor in successful writing. If writing in the analytical vein it would generally denote arguments both sound and valid, devoid of logical fallacies...if writing in the fictional vein it would generally denote believable characters and/or believable plot development with the emphasis being placed on *internal* coherency and consistency moreso than believable circumstances per se...if writing in the poetic vein it would generally denote expressions bearing the *ring of truth* in general, devoid of simplistic or stereotypical characterizations. In all cases its opposite (inauthenticity) would denote succumbing to one or another forms of trickery or gimmickry...sometimes consciously (as in the case of many propagandistic writings) but probably more often unconsciously (as in the case of amateurish or poorly developed writing).

I think that with poetry the lines are especially blurred since this form of writing allows for a very wide latitude of emotional and psychological expulsion whose job in many cases is just to chronolog unbridled impact itself...so may not always be expected to be either rational or logically tight...people who write about personal tragedies or difficult struggles or crisis's for instance may not be expected to adhere to as strict a degree of journalistic polish as people writing about historical events.

You will run into this whole language of *authenticity* more if you choose to read books on how to write successfully. This is where this rhetoric runs the strongest...

note: google returns 7,600,00 links under the search term "authenticity in writing (http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=authenticity+in+writing&btnG=Google+Search)" just to give you some idea how big a deal this is with many writers...

m1thr0s

[al_zaine]

Thanks for the note.
About this authenticity stuff, well, from what i've been reading its mainly when you're writing to 'someone' with an argument or a certain purpose but I wrote this for myself. The reason I posted it is so I could simply send it out into the world so-to-speak, as opposed to holding on to it.
Please though, if there is anything else that catches your attention, not so much the formatting but more the content, then question me on it because as I've said, it helps bring me clarity of mind.
Peace
Al