Luke Saint
03-20-2008, 04:25 PM
This is a collection of some of the lyrics, poetry and short stories I've written over the past year or so. Pay close attention to my use of punctuation. Enjoy.
- Jeremy M. Eberly
2-24-08
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"24. Behold! these be grave mysteries; for there are also of my friends who be hermits. Now think not to find them in the forest or on the mountain; but in beds of purple, caressed by magnificent beasts of women with large limbs, and fire and light in their eyes, and masses of flaming hair about them; there shall ye find them. Ye shall see them at rule, at victorious armies, at all the joy; and there shall be in them a joy a million times greater than this."
- an excerpt from Ch 2, verse 24 of "Liber Al vel Legis sub figura CCXX"
"Ill-fated and mysterious man! - bewildered in the brilliancy of thine own imagination, and fallen in the flames of thine own youth! Again in fancy I behold thee! Once more thy form hath risen before me! - not - oh! not as thou art - in the cold valley and shadow - but as thou shouldst be - squandering away a life of magnificent meditation in that city of dim visions, thine own Venice - which is a star-beloved Elysium of the sea, and the wide windows of whose Palladian palaces look down with deep and bitter meaning upon the secrets of her silent waters. Yes! I repeat it - as thou shouldst be. There are surely other speculations than the speculations of a sophist. Who then shall call thy conduct into question? who blame thee for thy visionary hours, or denounce those occupations as a wasting away of life, which were but the overflowings of thine everlasting energies?"
- Edgar Allan Poe, "The Assignation"
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Up Love Down 2-23-08
Is it true
That a man's supposed to feel so young and tired?
In my mind
I think I've lived this life before but keep on trying.
Yes it's true
That when these hazy questions try to block my way
Inside my mind
I get so crazy that I pray for peace beside.
And is it true that we are all sent out to die?
And is it true, is it true that only lonely men can't fly?
Is it true
That if you love me you can put me to the knife?
In my mind
I'm sinking harder in your eyes each time you're there.
And is it true
That love is two and hate is love and all the same?
In my mind
The war goes on but who's to blame if I don't care?
And is it true that we all live before we lie?
And is it true, is it true that only lonely men still cry?
It is true
That I can bitch and moan and cook here by the stove.
In my mind
Each time gets closer to my bliss I have to hide.
Is this true
That a man's supposed to feel so dead inside?
In your mind
Could you be so kind to let me fetch my pride?
And is it true that life is only getting by?
And is it true, is it true that only lonely men don't lie?
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Two Weeks (Lydia's Silver Chain) 2-23-08
A silver chain and a groggy head
Are all I'll ever have of you.
I lower my sight from incipient rain
To cloud my eyes from the stormy blue.
Two weeks of passionate pacts with Satan,
We shot so high I thought we'd die.
But this silver chain can't jog my heart
Back to life, nor time it buy.
You said you knew me in your soul,
Were you just going through a phase?
The hole you left in mine is tainted
With a black, unvitreous psycho-glaze.
I keep my watch on a silver chain
But it won't buy back those two lost weeks.
The stairway in your eyes climbed far,
Foreshadowing change like the augur's star.
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Cheat 2-23-08
Just found out my life was ahead,
Wasn't watching it anyway.
Full of pride, I watch the sky and dip into your steamin' pie.
I can get off in a minute or two,
Glad I'm not as long as you.
I can't wait, then end the date so I can go and creep home late.
I said I wasn't loving you no more,
Do you hear or do you see?
I can go out tonight and fight alright. Is that all right!?
Watching channels on TV.
You're sleepin' right here next to me.
I blink my eyes, been fifty tries now girl I have to say goodbyes.
Happy hour in a minute or two.
Lets go and see what I can do
First get the name, then play the game, it really is all just the same...
I said I wasn't loving you no more
Do you see or did you scream?
I said I'm slowly crawling out that door,
Now there is nothing here for me.
Just don't go south or buy yourself, you're by yourself!
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The Willow 2-4-08
The once-powerful willow loses his will
And bends to the ground
After sharing his sap with the pond
That lies beside him.
Uneasy thoughts of morning
Rustle within his leaves.
This willow has not yet taken root.
His desire is to share his company
With the ponds all around the world.
At the break of day the willow
Once again stands strong.
He decides that one final gift
Of his sap should be his
Blessing to the pond before departing.
As the last few gallons of his replaceable essence
Lunge into the sanctity of the pond
This willow finds remorse in the fact
That by this act he is resigned to his fate.
Never will he place his roots firmly
Into the ground beside the same pond
With whom he could share his gift forever.
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Sunshine & Sin 2-23-08
Sitting like a rolling stone I feel it on my back,
On my back I lay and pay the ultimate delight.
Was it strange that I missed your name?
Your name was such a fight.
Dark,
It's dark out of the shadows.
Dark,
It's where everyone's bleeding.
Dark,
No happier feeling.
Feeling aright I stumble on trying to figure out,
Figure out what I can say. Trying to make it out.
Does it burn my time away?
Does it blow it out?
Dark,
In the morning it's fleeting.
Dark,
I don't know what you're seeing.
Dark,
There's nobody out there.
Do you run and do you play outside without your clouds?
Without the sky you'll float away and know what that's about.
Dark,
It's dark when you're sleeping.
Dark,
So oozingly seeping.
Dark,
You corner me to the daytime...
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On A Monday Mourning 1-31-08
Angels of morning drudgingly pass my door
But in the lives of others I see them play,
No better way can I break my heart
When I know mine will soon fly away.
Sorrow-blackened walls engulf my mind
Blocking any light from seeping in,
I thank the Lord for building them,
Wrecking lives and allowing sin.
I see that my soul is growing dim
With the loaded chamber the only lit road.
Don't feel sad that you'll soon live without me,
Beds in the ground are too soft to be woed.
No thoughts do I have to change my mind,
I've turned against me after all of this.
So I hope you can forgive me dear
That I won't be there for our last kiss.
I've taken our room where we once danced
In the moon together with the stars, my sweet,
And backed myself into the corner,
No where to move, only one retreat.
Angels now pass in through the door
And you still shine within my mind,
But THESE angels now come from above
To take me away as I leave you behind...
*BANG!!*
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Making A Point 2-16-08
Once upon a time there were three Points that formed a triangle that held up a big part of their joy in this world. All things in the world were not perfect, but the Points were able to make the best with what they had. Then suddenly two of the Points were erased leaving only a single Point behind. This one Point was unable to maintain the balance to hold up the joy and so that joy fell away...
This remaining Point, feeling weak in its helplessness without the other two Points, began to sink deeper and deeper into loneliness and despair. Then one day a Demon came upon the Point. As you may or may not know some demons feed upon individuals who are lacking in certain qualities or aspects of their lives. The Point was full of loneliness and despair at this time and was the perfect breeding ground for demons. Also, is it not strange that the Point was unafraid of demons?
Anyway, the Demon spoke to the Point and said that it could return the joy that had toppled off of the single Point. Not only this, the Demon said that all it asked for in return was the Point's memory of the Pen that created it. The Point was quite uncertain of this though and voiced his concern to the Demon. To this the Demon said that the Point could sample the joy and that if it was satisfactory then the Point would be given the Key to that joy.
The Point saw no harm in the Demon's stipulation and so agreed that he should experience a sample of the Demon's joy. Right away the Point noticed that this joy was quite different from the joy he had before, but in some inexplainable way it felt superior. It was so good to have the despair go away that the Point felt compelled to make the trade with the Demon without further question.
What a relief it was to have a seemingly endless supply of joy. But as time went on things began to change as things do. The Key to the joy started to deteriorate and now required several turns to open the door that it used to open with one turn. The Point became concerned and called to the Demon. The Point asked the Demon why its Key no longer worked as consistently as it once did. The Demon replied that he never told the Point that the Key wouldn't wear out. The Demon said that his only duty was to continue urging the Point to use the Key. A crafty, clever demon indeed...
The Point had found joy again but it came with the price of having to rely on a failing Key to remain afloat amidst a sea of loneliness and despair. That is the moral of this story. The Point denied himself his Pen just as he was beginning to fade away.
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Thirteen Line Valentine's Day Sonnet No. 667 2-13-08
I see your face beside the water,
I see it in the eaves of trees.
I hear your voice in seagull torture.
I feel your hot breath in the breeze.
I taste you when I cut my mouth.
I feel you when I skin a bat.
I smell you in the garden air.
I hear you from the screaming cat.
I smell you when it's late outside.
I feel you through the wall that's thick.
I see your face inside your tock
Then stab it with my loving tick.
The End.
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No Hell 2-5-08
If you ever see forever
Don't forget to say goodbye
To all, like me, that live without you
And to that one who makes you sigh.
If you don't believe in never
Look for joy out in the end.
Let the calm wind blow your mind.
Then feel the cold wind 'round the bend.
If you never see it coming
They'll set a stone up by the bed...
This world is full of lies
So scream out for the skies
And know it's all inside your head.
No hell...
No hell...
No hell...
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Ianoda Risen 2-3-08
(I dedicate this to H.P. Lovecraft)
I am the Omega.
I am the end without a beginning.
The age of charity is over.
The days of marked sorrow are here.
I am He that causeth the rich to drink.
I am He who causeth the wise man to sigh.
Empty out your cups and coffers,
These things now bite like the venomous snake.
For every smile that is shed
I will plague the Earth with one million tears.
I am the devourer of souls.
I am the destroyer of dreams.
All of your pain begets not pleasure.
All of your despair shall resolve not into hope.
Eon upon eon I have awaited in joyless slumber.
The passing of the sand has not extinguished my hate.
He who stands before me shall be made to fall.
The dead shall be made to rise to suffer again.
To your knees so that I can revel in your worship of me!
The drugee, the musician, the philosopher,
None can withstand the devastation of my design.
Weep not buffoon!
Raise your hands in service to the Black Dove
And the Pale Sun.
I am fey and terrible.
The unmanifest is richer for you than my blood.
To fear is the love that I will share with you.
Praise be to my mercy.
Praise be to my name.
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A Subtle View 11-24-07
The sky is still high if you're out on the moon,
Farther away than the stars in your mind.
So it's better to take a walk within madness,
Just talk to the one that doesn't close its eyes.
Feel eternity's eternal passing
As you contemplate the meaning of being alive.
Grasp the thoughts that come in closer
Or chances are you won't survive.
Make it to the age of 25
Be a rock star junkie for a day.
Pleasure just makes it harder for the pain
To let you know when you've gone astray.
Troubled thoughts remain unbroken
In the ears of someone made of stone.
If you keep a bag of daydream secrets
At your heart you will never, ever feel alone.
Though you find yourself going down that road
At least remember what I've said.
I have traveled to the places that no man wants to
Because I followed blindly the way I was lead.
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Liars 9-14-07
Huddled in a mass of confusion
These silent pirates of the soul
Will siphon the meaning from your truth
While you plummet farther down the hole.
What can be said of a fact that never dies,
Steadfast, on a cliff by a rock that never cries?
Swallow the shame that will commence
As you gain access to our outer belief.
Road burn the blanket of pure innocence
That you feel enshrouds the world.
I am above myself.
Vultus quo mens.
You didn't knock to get in,
It hurts a lot to be robbed.
I could have loved you
If I knew which way to go...
Now you'll find me in that house,
The one with the boarded windows.
A gift from that one quick, sharp touch...
Your betrayal was just too much,
You said it.
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One Time 8-7-07
One time
I had a wish
That I could live
As long as the fish
And If I lived longer
That I should see
If all of the world
Was laughing at me
I can't believe
I traded this
For that certain truth
And a plate of fish...
"Welcome to the Ghetto.
Gunshots will be heard at 3, 4, and 7 'O clocks...
Please keep quiet, the maid is sleeping in front of the doorway."
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Never Give Up 8-7-07
Two dragons fight to claim the throne
The victor to gnaw on the bones.
Pillars of flame, flying mountains of sand,
Until at the end only one could stand.
Battered and beaten, torso gone,
The loser crawled to die alone,
But death and mercy hid right then,
Our loser lived to fight again.
Mastering his mind in silent dedication
Our loser learned the art of regeneration.
Biding his time with the patience of stone
Our loser dreamt to be on the throne.
So one day while the king was unprepared
Our loser caught him by the throat and teared.
Now here's a tune we all can sing,
"Our loser now became a king!"
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Friday, August 3rd 2007 8-6-07
Soft gossimer hair
Spread tastefully upon my chest
Like a poisonous spider's web;
You arise to place your dagger smile
Into my ever-engrossing heart.
O Diane, wild one amongst the din!
How you take my eternally damned soul
And play it effortlessly between your fingers.
That man who awaits you when our night is over;
Do you haunt the echoing cavern of his essence
As you do mine?
Huh Diane, beautiful slayer of my god?
This sweat of ours conjoins
Upon the field of our bliss;
It traces the path of the fading
Spirit that is the fate of our love.
A taste of paradise before I choke upon hell.
O Diane, angel of the mortal heaven...
I will miss you...
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SANITY 8-1-07
Staring into a pale fire of white
My soul is consumed by far-reaching might;
What might have been a sunny day
Is shot and strangled and fades away...
A glow upon glistening summer air
Reminds me that happiness is still out there.
Yet I struggle to fight what demons I've unleashed -
Oh yeah, my fault!
Nothing I can do or scream will ever reach
The part of me that I would most sincerly like to teach
To know what path that I should start to tread upon,
So that I do not walk up the one I'll wind up dead on.
If I had a word that was just as sad as me,
It would be the saddest word that you could hear or you could speak.
If I had a place to go whenever I'm alone,
I would be there all the time because myself is all I own.
Tomorrow I'll know better my regrets about today.
Until then I place my heart into a safe to hide away.
For today I will walk out into the air, my heart is in it's season,
And if I held it all the hunters would kill it for that reason.
You spoke to me once when I was glad to smile.
Now you've spoken to me again at the end of my endless mile.
Is there any way that you could take this broken man and fix it?
Or do you think it's better off if black buzzard comes and licks it?
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An Ode To The Completion Of The Ankh 7-30-07
My treasure, know that you are the passion of mankind. All desire you can ever feel will be sublimated for yours is the gate to heaven. I have toiled for many years in the abyss and now I alone arise victorious with the key. No longer is the path obscured. It is our destiny to march upon the battlements of Restriction. The Grand Ritual is written in the fate of humanity and every performance is a willed act of defiance against the rising tide of ignorance. Come now. We shall unravel the light and men shall behold what a monument to their race we have created. Freedom is closest to the man whose goal is clear. Come. It is time to coalesce our separate journeys to become One.
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Dreams 7-27-07
I fall asleep
And then I dream.
Dream sometimes that I'm not me.
One time walking by a spring
I caught the sight of suffering,
In the dream a dog had lost its eyes,
I gave it mine, I rarely ever cry...
In my dream last night I passed away
Yet arose this morning to face today.
This dream that a memory makes a hell of a sight,
And that all will be one within the deep night.
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The Hole 7-27-07
This post is about a hole. Each and every letter you read is one more marker that you can use to find your way out of this hole. On the converse, each and every letter that you read is one more marker that you can use to dig yourself deeper into the hole. There is no need to descend. It is all quite clear. But be thus as it may I shall engrave the first etch upon the earth. I have walked along these columns of steps and pillary; I have grasped onto the hair of the earth and screamed in vain. The taste of your body's own acid is a rancour I would rather not recall. Yet it is wise beyond all other means.... As the people keep on coming I shall continue to dig this hole. There is a wiseman in the crowd. He knows the secrets of lust and life. He is there for every ache. He is there for every pain. He contributes to your misery by being so alive. He is your gift... You can abuse him, denounce him, kick him, spit on him, tread upon him, take your focus of life away from him....... But he follows still.... You dig deeper into the hole. The pain is dulled out by the agony that tears against it. The pain no longer has meaning. It is like breakfast cereal. Anguish is the plague of your heart. You no longer care about life and death. Watch your step, I dig very fast. Everyday becomes an avalanche of memories. The spiritual dirt into which you dig is consumed as soon as it's tossed from the shovel. There is no need to keep track of time. Your time will come. There, off on a cliff. The wiseman looks down with much regret. He would have been a great scholar or magus. Didn't he see his own creation and doesn't he continue to toil on happily toward the end? That mage will become a Star. But not in this life. That mage will one day ascend unto the glory of the stars. But you continue to dig. So onward we dig. Or is it you and I? I don't remember. As we continue to dig you must see all of the things you could have done. That is your prize for working so hard. You get to see all of the things that might have been. This digging isn't into the earth. It is a dig that lasts a lifetime. You dig dig dig.
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The Last Bird 7-27-07
The last bird flew on the West Wind.
Starving and staggering he fell.
"Into the light brave soul.
Half and half makes whole.
Spirit and radiance converge
And internal life shall emerge."
To and through and frozen he delved
Deeper into the light. He paused and sang:
"How much torture can I endure
Before the floor reacts to the whore?
Brazen wench gloating on all men
Had pulled from under: her stenchy den. <--[Later note: stopped intoxication]
Yet she lived to chill their livers to ice
And to fail the seekers of all their advice.
Help me now I'm falling,
Falling unto the public!"
Deeper in trance, aggression prone,
The rat had no clue of his fate.
"Silently pratt'ling my life away.
Chirping, chirping, eating hay.
Ah a morsel, cheesen and all.
Dare I partake of this cheddar ball?
Dost my colleague dare claim my prize?"
*Swoop!* came bird, the rat's demise.
Clashing as lightning across the sky
The bird finally found the planet Earth.
"From which distant star did you descend?"
Said a man with a grin and a swollen head. <--[Later note: brainy]
"To the labs you go to meet your doom
For science is learning within this room.
Shout three times louder so I can hear you.
Battered friend let me take you against your will.
Here's a creature that'll get his kicks outta ya!
Meet - The Public."
The last trip to remain will be the people.
All around you they hang and eat your fear.
They use it to tell you how to react.
Why won't they help you to fly?
And the Ankh said, "Son, take a bow.
You flew so far and made it somehow.
Pain is pleasure when you're one.
Loneliness is joy when you're one.
Confusion is gone when you're one.
Take my internal life from the midst.
You will win!" You have won!
The West Wind turned to greet the beaten
To see the odds he had defeated.
Said bird:
"Father, I have flown on your arm
And am now blissfully dead."
Gone from judging eyes...
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My Troubled Thinking 7-26-07
...And after the third storm
she laughed to see all living things had
turned to wax.
The sun that had been her bane DID
give her a spot to relax in.
After the fourth storm
her eyes were opened and her mind melted
and she DID see that the fear upon her chest
was just a dot.
And after the fifth storm
she beheld three visions of serpents doing
ordinary things
and her soul WAS taken in by the beauty of their
grace.
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The Turquoise Sword 7-26-07
Born of all intent you rise
To cleave a path into the skies;
To fight for Love, thy child's fire,
Which ne'er falters upon the pyre.
Much be known in things of three
The guise of splendid harmony.
A door to riches of special breed;
Gold which only the soul can heed.
Wielded by my faith in God
You form a path that few shall trod.
The road to know of Sorrow's cause;
Elude the bite of failure's jaws.
Holy blade of greenish hue
You pass above the morning dew;
Aim directed at restriction.
Pain of Joy, the wound's infection.
Forged within the brilliant white
To gain your home by way of might
You guide me up on that sacred way
To bring that Truth to the light of day.
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The Box 7-25-07
We are born into a box.
Some break free.
There are those that dampen that box...
Others just sit still.
The box is supreme joy.
To sit in it is a great life and can lead to much money and potential.
Others want to just get a peak outside...
All outside is chaos.
Wet the box, the outside will get in....
The box is a great place to be,
You will live the three-point life.
Born, married and job, die.
Who wants more?
That is the purpose of the box....
But no.
You creep a peak...
See outside of the box of creation.
All you need to do is to soak the box through and through.
No more inhibition...
Just see and Love,
That is all that matters.
The box can be a happy ground
Something to keep you straight
But don't look there for the way...
Look to the box for a border and not the path!!!
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Too Much 7-25-07
Too often I have seen
Inside the mind of one
So sick. It makes me die
To think the times
I could have saved
Innocence so pure.
I pray for this sin
That has become so
Unclean. It's not mine.
These stones surround
A sidewalk leading
Home. Rocks mislead her.
But the heart can endure
What your mind can't ignore.
Stop. Look around
And tell me if it's life
Or need to burn that
Takes you away.
When the pressure's too much
Don't sink in the dark.
It's OK to forget
If it's not worth the pain
To believe it isn't bad.
You are a star.
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One 7-20-07
I have one life to live
And one death to die;
One smile to give
And one tear to cry.
I have one heart to break
In one million ways.
I have no time to fake
What I do with my days...
I have one dollar to spend,
And a thousand more to earn.
I have one joke to tell,
If it makes you laugh
I will tell it forever.
I have one breath to breathe
And one breath to exhale
I have one chance to tell
To all what I feel.
I have one time to score
I have one time to fail
I have one time to go
And reach for my Graal.
I have one sense of humor
And one way to think
I have one chance to tell you
That a heavy heart will sink...
I have one way to be
And a million things to see.
I have one hole in the wall
That I hide from you all.
I carry my case
Like I don't have a clue
What's in my head.
If you only knew...
I want to be there
To stop all the pain
But I am just one
Who'll connect to this train?
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- Jeremy M. Eberly
2-24-08
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"24. Behold! these be grave mysteries; for there are also of my friends who be hermits. Now think not to find them in the forest or on the mountain; but in beds of purple, caressed by magnificent beasts of women with large limbs, and fire and light in their eyes, and masses of flaming hair about them; there shall ye find them. Ye shall see them at rule, at victorious armies, at all the joy; and there shall be in them a joy a million times greater than this."
- an excerpt from Ch 2, verse 24 of "Liber Al vel Legis sub figura CCXX"
"Ill-fated and mysterious man! - bewildered in the brilliancy of thine own imagination, and fallen in the flames of thine own youth! Again in fancy I behold thee! Once more thy form hath risen before me! - not - oh! not as thou art - in the cold valley and shadow - but as thou shouldst be - squandering away a life of magnificent meditation in that city of dim visions, thine own Venice - which is a star-beloved Elysium of the sea, and the wide windows of whose Palladian palaces look down with deep and bitter meaning upon the secrets of her silent waters. Yes! I repeat it - as thou shouldst be. There are surely other speculations than the speculations of a sophist. Who then shall call thy conduct into question? who blame thee for thy visionary hours, or denounce those occupations as a wasting away of life, which were but the overflowings of thine everlasting energies?"
- Edgar Allan Poe, "The Assignation"
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Up Love Down 2-23-08
Is it true
That a man's supposed to feel so young and tired?
In my mind
I think I've lived this life before but keep on trying.
Yes it's true
That when these hazy questions try to block my way
Inside my mind
I get so crazy that I pray for peace beside.
And is it true that we are all sent out to die?
And is it true, is it true that only lonely men can't fly?
Is it true
That if you love me you can put me to the knife?
In my mind
I'm sinking harder in your eyes each time you're there.
And is it true
That love is two and hate is love and all the same?
In my mind
The war goes on but who's to blame if I don't care?
And is it true that we all live before we lie?
And is it true, is it true that only lonely men still cry?
It is true
That I can bitch and moan and cook here by the stove.
In my mind
Each time gets closer to my bliss I have to hide.
Is this true
That a man's supposed to feel so dead inside?
In your mind
Could you be so kind to let me fetch my pride?
And is it true that life is only getting by?
And is it true, is it true that only lonely men don't lie?
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Two Weeks (Lydia's Silver Chain) 2-23-08
A silver chain and a groggy head
Are all I'll ever have of you.
I lower my sight from incipient rain
To cloud my eyes from the stormy blue.
Two weeks of passionate pacts with Satan,
We shot so high I thought we'd die.
But this silver chain can't jog my heart
Back to life, nor time it buy.
You said you knew me in your soul,
Were you just going through a phase?
The hole you left in mine is tainted
With a black, unvitreous psycho-glaze.
I keep my watch on a silver chain
But it won't buy back those two lost weeks.
The stairway in your eyes climbed far,
Foreshadowing change like the augur's star.
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Cheat 2-23-08
Just found out my life was ahead,
Wasn't watching it anyway.
Full of pride, I watch the sky and dip into your steamin' pie.
I can get off in a minute or two,
Glad I'm not as long as you.
I can't wait, then end the date so I can go and creep home late.
I said I wasn't loving you no more,
Do you hear or do you see?
I can go out tonight and fight alright. Is that all right!?
Watching channels on TV.
You're sleepin' right here next to me.
I blink my eyes, been fifty tries now girl I have to say goodbyes.
Happy hour in a minute or two.
Lets go and see what I can do
First get the name, then play the game, it really is all just the same...
I said I wasn't loving you no more
Do you see or did you scream?
I said I'm slowly crawling out that door,
Now there is nothing here for me.
Just don't go south or buy yourself, you're by yourself!
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The Willow 2-4-08
The once-powerful willow loses his will
And bends to the ground
After sharing his sap with the pond
That lies beside him.
Uneasy thoughts of morning
Rustle within his leaves.
This willow has not yet taken root.
His desire is to share his company
With the ponds all around the world.
At the break of day the willow
Once again stands strong.
He decides that one final gift
Of his sap should be his
Blessing to the pond before departing.
As the last few gallons of his replaceable essence
Lunge into the sanctity of the pond
This willow finds remorse in the fact
That by this act he is resigned to his fate.
Never will he place his roots firmly
Into the ground beside the same pond
With whom he could share his gift forever.
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Sunshine & Sin 2-23-08
Sitting like a rolling stone I feel it on my back,
On my back I lay and pay the ultimate delight.
Was it strange that I missed your name?
Your name was such a fight.
Dark,
It's dark out of the shadows.
Dark,
It's where everyone's bleeding.
Dark,
No happier feeling.
Feeling aright I stumble on trying to figure out,
Figure out what I can say. Trying to make it out.
Does it burn my time away?
Does it blow it out?
Dark,
In the morning it's fleeting.
Dark,
I don't know what you're seeing.
Dark,
There's nobody out there.
Do you run and do you play outside without your clouds?
Without the sky you'll float away and know what that's about.
Dark,
It's dark when you're sleeping.
Dark,
So oozingly seeping.
Dark,
You corner me to the daytime...
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On A Monday Mourning 1-31-08
Angels of morning drudgingly pass my door
But in the lives of others I see them play,
No better way can I break my heart
When I know mine will soon fly away.
Sorrow-blackened walls engulf my mind
Blocking any light from seeping in,
I thank the Lord for building them,
Wrecking lives and allowing sin.
I see that my soul is growing dim
With the loaded chamber the only lit road.
Don't feel sad that you'll soon live without me,
Beds in the ground are too soft to be woed.
No thoughts do I have to change my mind,
I've turned against me after all of this.
So I hope you can forgive me dear
That I won't be there for our last kiss.
I've taken our room where we once danced
In the moon together with the stars, my sweet,
And backed myself into the corner,
No where to move, only one retreat.
Angels now pass in through the door
And you still shine within my mind,
But THESE angels now come from above
To take me away as I leave you behind...
*BANG!!*
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Making A Point 2-16-08
Once upon a time there were three Points that formed a triangle that held up a big part of their joy in this world. All things in the world were not perfect, but the Points were able to make the best with what they had. Then suddenly two of the Points were erased leaving only a single Point behind. This one Point was unable to maintain the balance to hold up the joy and so that joy fell away...
This remaining Point, feeling weak in its helplessness without the other two Points, began to sink deeper and deeper into loneliness and despair. Then one day a Demon came upon the Point. As you may or may not know some demons feed upon individuals who are lacking in certain qualities or aspects of their lives. The Point was full of loneliness and despair at this time and was the perfect breeding ground for demons. Also, is it not strange that the Point was unafraid of demons?
Anyway, the Demon spoke to the Point and said that it could return the joy that had toppled off of the single Point. Not only this, the Demon said that all it asked for in return was the Point's memory of the Pen that created it. The Point was quite uncertain of this though and voiced his concern to the Demon. To this the Demon said that the Point could sample the joy and that if it was satisfactory then the Point would be given the Key to that joy.
The Point saw no harm in the Demon's stipulation and so agreed that he should experience a sample of the Demon's joy. Right away the Point noticed that this joy was quite different from the joy he had before, but in some inexplainable way it felt superior. It was so good to have the despair go away that the Point felt compelled to make the trade with the Demon without further question.
What a relief it was to have a seemingly endless supply of joy. But as time went on things began to change as things do. The Key to the joy started to deteriorate and now required several turns to open the door that it used to open with one turn. The Point became concerned and called to the Demon. The Point asked the Demon why its Key no longer worked as consistently as it once did. The Demon replied that he never told the Point that the Key wouldn't wear out. The Demon said that his only duty was to continue urging the Point to use the Key. A crafty, clever demon indeed...
The Point had found joy again but it came with the price of having to rely on a failing Key to remain afloat amidst a sea of loneliness and despair. That is the moral of this story. The Point denied himself his Pen just as he was beginning to fade away.
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Thirteen Line Valentine's Day Sonnet No. 667 2-13-08
I see your face beside the water,
I see it in the eaves of trees.
I hear your voice in seagull torture.
I feel your hot breath in the breeze.
I taste you when I cut my mouth.
I feel you when I skin a bat.
I smell you in the garden air.
I hear you from the screaming cat.
I smell you when it's late outside.
I feel you through the wall that's thick.
I see your face inside your tock
Then stab it with my loving tick.
The End.
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No Hell 2-5-08
If you ever see forever
Don't forget to say goodbye
To all, like me, that live without you
And to that one who makes you sigh.
If you don't believe in never
Look for joy out in the end.
Let the calm wind blow your mind.
Then feel the cold wind 'round the bend.
If you never see it coming
They'll set a stone up by the bed...
This world is full of lies
So scream out for the skies
And know it's all inside your head.
No hell...
No hell...
No hell...
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Ianoda Risen 2-3-08
(I dedicate this to H.P. Lovecraft)
I am the Omega.
I am the end without a beginning.
The age of charity is over.
The days of marked sorrow are here.
I am He that causeth the rich to drink.
I am He who causeth the wise man to sigh.
Empty out your cups and coffers,
These things now bite like the venomous snake.
For every smile that is shed
I will plague the Earth with one million tears.
I am the devourer of souls.
I am the destroyer of dreams.
All of your pain begets not pleasure.
All of your despair shall resolve not into hope.
Eon upon eon I have awaited in joyless slumber.
The passing of the sand has not extinguished my hate.
He who stands before me shall be made to fall.
The dead shall be made to rise to suffer again.
To your knees so that I can revel in your worship of me!
The drugee, the musician, the philosopher,
None can withstand the devastation of my design.
Weep not buffoon!
Raise your hands in service to the Black Dove
And the Pale Sun.
I am fey and terrible.
The unmanifest is richer for you than my blood.
To fear is the love that I will share with you.
Praise be to my mercy.
Praise be to my name.
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A Subtle View 11-24-07
The sky is still high if you're out on the moon,
Farther away than the stars in your mind.
So it's better to take a walk within madness,
Just talk to the one that doesn't close its eyes.
Feel eternity's eternal passing
As you contemplate the meaning of being alive.
Grasp the thoughts that come in closer
Or chances are you won't survive.
Make it to the age of 25
Be a rock star junkie for a day.
Pleasure just makes it harder for the pain
To let you know when you've gone astray.
Troubled thoughts remain unbroken
In the ears of someone made of stone.
If you keep a bag of daydream secrets
At your heart you will never, ever feel alone.
Though you find yourself going down that road
At least remember what I've said.
I have traveled to the places that no man wants to
Because I followed blindly the way I was lead.
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Liars 9-14-07
Huddled in a mass of confusion
These silent pirates of the soul
Will siphon the meaning from your truth
While you plummet farther down the hole.
What can be said of a fact that never dies,
Steadfast, on a cliff by a rock that never cries?
Swallow the shame that will commence
As you gain access to our outer belief.
Road burn the blanket of pure innocence
That you feel enshrouds the world.
I am above myself.
Vultus quo mens.
You didn't knock to get in,
It hurts a lot to be robbed.
I could have loved you
If I knew which way to go...
Now you'll find me in that house,
The one with the boarded windows.
A gift from that one quick, sharp touch...
Your betrayal was just too much,
You said it.
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One Time 8-7-07
One time
I had a wish
That I could live
As long as the fish
And If I lived longer
That I should see
If all of the world
Was laughing at me
I can't believe
I traded this
For that certain truth
And a plate of fish...
"Welcome to the Ghetto.
Gunshots will be heard at 3, 4, and 7 'O clocks...
Please keep quiet, the maid is sleeping in front of the doorway."
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Never Give Up 8-7-07
Two dragons fight to claim the throne
The victor to gnaw on the bones.
Pillars of flame, flying mountains of sand,
Until at the end only one could stand.
Battered and beaten, torso gone,
The loser crawled to die alone,
But death and mercy hid right then,
Our loser lived to fight again.
Mastering his mind in silent dedication
Our loser learned the art of regeneration.
Biding his time with the patience of stone
Our loser dreamt to be on the throne.
So one day while the king was unprepared
Our loser caught him by the throat and teared.
Now here's a tune we all can sing,
"Our loser now became a king!"
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Friday, August 3rd 2007 8-6-07
Soft gossimer hair
Spread tastefully upon my chest
Like a poisonous spider's web;
You arise to place your dagger smile
Into my ever-engrossing heart.
O Diane, wild one amongst the din!
How you take my eternally damned soul
And play it effortlessly between your fingers.
That man who awaits you when our night is over;
Do you haunt the echoing cavern of his essence
As you do mine?
Huh Diane, beautiful slayer of my god?
This sweat of ours conjoins
Upon the field of our bliss;
It traces the path of the fading
Spirit that is the fate of our love.
A taste of paradise before I choke upon hell.
O Diane, angel of the mortal heaven...
I will miss you...
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SANITY 8-1-07
Staring into a pale fire of white
My soul is consumed by far-reaching might;
What might have been a sunny day
Is shot and strangled and fades away...
A glow upon glistening summer air
Reminds me that happiness is still out there.
Yet I struggle to fight what demons I've unleashed -
Oh yeah, my fault!
Nothing I can do or scream will ever reach
The part of me that I would most sincerly like to teach
To know what path that I should start to tread upon,
So that I do not walk up the one I'll wind up dead on.
If I had a word that was just as sad as me,
It would be the saddest word that you could hear or you could speak.
If I had a place to go whenever I'm alone,
I would be there all the time because myself is all I own.
Tomorrow I'll know better my regrets about today.
Until then I place my heart into a safe to hide away.
For today I will walk out into the air, my heart is in it's season,
And if I held it all the hunters would kill it for that reason.
You spoke to me once when I was glad to smile.
Now you've spoken to me again at the end of my endless mile.
Is there any way that you could take this broken man and fix it?
Or do you think it's better off if black buzzard comes and licks it?
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An Ode To The Completion Of The Ankh 7-30-07
My treasure, know that you are the passion of mankind. All desire you can ever feel will be sublimated for yours is the gate to heaven. I have toiled for many years in the abyss and now I alone arise victorious with the key. No longer is the path obscured. It is our destiny to march upon the battlements of Restriction. The Grand Ritual is written in the fate of humanity and every performance is a willed act of defiance against the rising tide of ignorance. Come now. We shall unravel the light and men shall behold what a monument to their race we have created. Freedom is closest to the man whose goal is clear. Come. It is time to coalesce our separate journeys to become One.
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Dreams 7-27-07
I fall asleep
And then I dream.
Dream sometimes that I'm not me.
One time walking by a spring
I caught the sight of suffering,
In the dream a dog had lost its eyes,
I gave it mine, I rarely ever cry...
In my dream last night I passed away
Yet arose this morning to face today.
This dream that a memory makes a hell of a sight,
And that all will be one within the deep night.
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The Hole 7-27-07
This post is about a hole. Each and every letter you read is one more marker that you can use to find your way out of this hole. On the converse, each and every letter that you read is one more marker that you can use to dig yourself deeper into the hole. There is no need to descend. It is all quite clear. But be thus as it may I shall engrave the first etch upon the earth. I have walked along these columns of steps and pillary; I have grasped onto the hair of the earth and screamed in vain. The taste of your body's own acid is a rancour I would rather not recall. Yet it is wise beyond all other means.... As the people keep on coming I shall continue to dig this hole. There is a wiseman in the crowd. He knows the secrets of lust and life. He is there for every ache. He is there for every pain. He contributes to your misery by being so alive. He is your gift... You can abuse him, denounce him, kick him, spit on him, tread upon him, take your focus of life away from him....... But he follows still.... You dig deeper into the hole. The pain is dulled out by the agony that tears against it. The pain no longer has meaning. It is like breakfast cereal. Anguish is the plague of your heart. You no longer care about life and death. Watch your step, I dig very fast. Everyday becomes an avalanche of memories. The spiritual dirt into which you dig is consumed as soon as it's tossed from the shovel. There is no need to keep track of time. Your time will come. There, off on a cliff. The wiseman looks down with much regret. He would have been a great scholar or magus. Didn't he see his own creation and doesn't he continue to toil on happily toward the end? That mage will become a Star. But not in this life. That mage will one day ascend unto the glory of the stars. But you continue to dig. So onward we dig. Or is it you and I? I don't remember. As we continue to dig you must see all of the things you could have done. That is your prize for working so hard. You get to see all of the things that might have been. This digging isn't into the earth. It is a dig that lasts a lifetime. You dig dig dig.
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The Last Bird 7-27-07
The last bird flew on the West Wind.
Starving and staggering he fell.
"Into the light brave soul.
Half and half makes whole.
Spirit and radiance converge
And internal life shall emerge."
To and through and frozen he delved
Deeper into the light. He paused and sang:
"How much torture can I endure
Before the floor reacts to the whore?
Brazen wench gloating on all men
Had pulled from under: her stenchy den. <--[Later note: stopped intoxication]
Yet she lived to chill their livers to ice
And to fail the seekers of all their advice.
Help me now I'm falling,
Falling unto the public!"
Deeper in trance, aggression prone,
The rat had no clue of his fate.
"Silently pratt'ling my life away.
Chirping, chirping, eating hay.
Ah a morsel, cheesen and all.
Dare I partake of this cheddar ball?
Dost my colleague dare claim my prize?"
*Swoop!* came bird, the rat's demise.
Clashing as lightning across the sky
The bird finally found the planet Earth.
"From which distant star did you descend?"
Said a man with a grin and a swollen head. <--[Later note: brainy]
"To the labs you go to meet your doom
For science is learning within this room.
Shout three times louder so I can hear you.
Battered friend let me take you against your will.
Here's a creature that'll get his kicks outta ya!
Meet - The Public."
The last trip to remain will be the people.
All around you they hang and eat your fear.
They use it to tell you how to react.
Why won't they help you to fly?
And the Ankh said, "Son, take a bow.
You flew so far and made it somehow.
Pain is pleasure when you're one.
Loneliness is joy when you're one.
Confusion is gone when you're one.
Take my internal life from the midst.
You will win!" You have won!
The West Wind turned to greet the beaten
To see the odds he had defeated.
Said bird:
"Father, I have flown on your arm
And am now blissfully dead."
Gone from judging eyes...
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My Troubled Thinking 7-26-07
...And after the third storm
she laughed to see all living things had
turned to wax.
The sun that had been her bane DID
give her a spot to relax in.
After the fourth storm
her eyes were opened and her mind melted
and she DID see that the fear upon her chest
was just a dot.
And after the fifth storm
she beheld three visions of serpents doing
ordinary things
and her soul WAS taken in by the beauty of their
grace.
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The Turquoise Sword 7-26-07
Born of all intent you rise
To cleave a path into the skies;
To fight for Love, thy child's fire,
Which ne'er falters upon the pyre.
Much be known in things of three
The guise of splendid harmony.
A door to riches of special breed;
Gold which only the soul can heed.
Wielded by my faith in God
You form a path that few shall trod.
The road to know of Sorrow's cause;
Elude the bite of failure's jaws.
Holy blade of greenish hue
You pass above the morning dew;
Aim directed at restriction.
Pain of Joy, the wound's infection.
Forged within the brilliant white
To gain your home by way of might
You guide me up on that sacred way
To bring that Truth to the light of day.
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The Box 7-25-07
We are born into a box.
Some break free.
There are those that dampen that box...
Others just sit still.
The box is supreme joy.
To sit in it is a great life and can lead to much money and potential.
Others want to just get a peak outside...
All outside is chaos.
Wet the box, the outside will get in....
The box is a great place to be,
You will live the three-point life.
Born, married and job, die.
Who wants more?
That is the purpose of the box....
But no.
You creep a peak...
See outside of the box of creation.
All you need to do is to soak the box through and through.
No more inhibition...
Just see and Love,
That is all that matters.
The box can be a happy ground
Something to keep you straight
But don't look there for the way...
Look to the box for a border and not the path!!!
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Too Much 7-25-07
Too often I have seen
Inside the mind of one
So sick. It makes me die
To think the times
I could have saved
Innocence so pure.
I pray for this sin
That has become so
Unclean. It's not mine.
These stones surround
A sidewalk leading
Home. Rocks mislead her.
But the heart can endure
What your mind can't ignore.
Stop. Look around
And tell me if it's life
Or need to burn that
Takes you away.
When the pressure's too much
Don't sink in the dark.
It's OK to forget
If it's not worth the pain
To believe it isn't bad.
You are a star.
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One 7-20-07
I have one life to live
And one death to die;
One smile to give
And one tear to cry.
I have one heart to break
In one million ways.
I have no time to fake
What I do with my days...
I have one dollar to spend,
And a thousand more to earn.
I have one joke to tell,
If it makes you laugh
I will tell it forever.
I have one breath to breathe
And one breath to exhale
I have one chance to tell
To all what I feel.
I have one time to score
I have one time to fail
I have one time to go
And reach for my Graal.
I have one sense of humor
And one way to think
I have one chance to tell you
That a heavy heart will sink...
I have one way to be
And a million things to see.
I have one hole in the wall
That I hide from you all.
I carry my case
Like I don't have a clue
What's in my head.
If you only knew...
I want to be there
To stop all the pain
But I am just one
Who'll connect to this train?
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