hi!

[...]

I began studying the tao te ching at 16, as a complete athiest, looking for a life philosophy.
It got to the point where my mind was opened to the idea of god by means of qi gong and meditation. it was not long until I practicing transcendental meditation techniques from all sorts of eastern traditions.. taoist, most notably.
I was pretty successful by 18, and walked around with a big bowl of ecstasy in my heart center. I had begun seeing aura's... and I even became very mildly psychic.. (ie, I seem to pick up on peoples' thoughts when they are directed at me.. totally random and uncontrollable. [and sometimes I think I might be crazy LOL])

Then, at 18, I joined the Army.. and through basic training and medic school, lost all my spiritual advancement. I still have the knowledge, and experience, though.
now, at 20, I am trying to re-inspire myself by means of western practices. (I am absolutely googly-eyed by some of the stuff I have seen here!)
I am somewhat averse to the idea of magic.. though I am totally interested in any kind of spells that have a direct influence over myself, ie with the intent of making myself more powerful, more dedicated, more advanced, etc.

I am 'uninitiated', and if I could somehow continue the study of the qabalah and hermetic practice WITHOUT 'inititiation', I would be absolutely pleased. I am somewhat averse to the idea of a student-teacher relationship. I think the ideal system is 'person-person' collaboration. (though, if I could 'summon' a taoist immortal to be a 'teacher'.. I would certainly be proud to accept 'him' as a teacher! too bad I can't astral travel, though...)

I will be most pleased to utilize this forum for my puposes! thanks!

[...]

by the way, if anyone is willing to help me out.. I am starting from scratch here, I would be most appreciative.

telling me which questions to ask, for example, is awesome.

There is ALOT of ground to cover... pointing me to the most relevant 'ground' first would also be very much appreciated.

[Luciftias]

Hey ...,

What is your goal? Dion Fortune has a book called "Occultism in Daily Life" which was written specifically for the average person who is not a member of any Order but wants to learn the basics of western occultism in order to improve their understanding of the world and themselves and use that knowledge to improve their life in some ambiguous way. Doesn't require any teachers, rituals or initiations. Might be a good place to start. You can then dive deeper into whatever suits your fancy.

If your goal is somewhat more lofty than that, you might want to take a more focused approach. If your goal is enlightenment, your primary focus for study should be yourself. You still don't need to receive formal initiation into a group, in my opinion. There are two main branches of magic, referred to in Western occultism as Theurgy and Thaumaturgy. You seem to be open to Theurgy, which is similar to yoga in that it seeks to unite/elevate the practitioner to divinity. Thaumaturgy is essentially effecting specific change for a specific purpose, primarily on a more material level. Like doing a "spell" so that you can make rent and not get evicted. It's my personal opinion that in order to get through certain stages in the work, that it is virtually impossible to get along without a teacher. I've gone through a few teachers. It's said that the student receives the teacher that they deserve. As you develop, you may find yourself outgrowing a teacher or moving away from the focus of the teacher into something else, and you'll find another teacher. Probably a lot of people will disagree with me on the importance of a teacher. I can understand why you would be adverse to it. There are so many charletons out there, and you don't want to give up your control. In my experience, I've found the relationship to not take away my own self-control. The good teachers want you to develop your independence - they aren't tyrants.

Luciftias

[m1thr0s]

Welcome to Abrahadabra Forums ...

It is perfectly possible to approach matters of spirituality from the vantage point of philosophy, where learning to ask the "right questions" is a discipline unto itself. It is useful to know what kinds of questions have been asked and answered by others already, so I would suggest you do not limit yourself to only one school or another but grant yourself permission from the start to examine anything and everything that might amount to any little piece of the puzzle.

Everything teaches if you allow it to do so. If you have not already read it, I might suggest you pick up a copy of Siddhartha and pour through it. I think this book has something important to convey to you. It's important to understand that even the Buddha attained enlightenment through a chance conversation he heard between a musician and his son while boating down the river involving the proper tuning of a musical instrument.

When the mind is ready for the answers, the answers are never far away...

m1thr0s

[fr.novumorganum]

Welcome and I look foward to interacting with you.

One thing one learns in the occult, all knowledge finds a way to support you somewhere on the path...

[Kain]

Welcome ..., it's very good to have you here at Abrahadabra Forums!

I second all that has been expressed so far, great advice indeed. There certainly is a lot of ground to cover, but it seems like you will fit right in.

Kain