More Social?

[chaos_mage4]

Hey guys. Yeah, I've had this problem for a while now lol. I can't really be social. I can't go out and do what I want, like say certain things etc. to certain people, for I guess I have a fear of rejection, and of death. Rejection meaning I walk up to a person, start talking, and yell at me or whatever lol. Death by doing something wrong, getting into a fight, dieing from a punch or kick going the wrong way etc. I don't have a lot of friends because of this, and also with my nervous "tics". But anyway, I was wondering like, how to become more social, i.e. get more friends, be able to do more things etc. I know I've been pretty vague lol, but I don't mean to have sex if that's what the above implies lol, just to become more social.
Thanks,
Christopher

[Ðanisty]

I was always pretty shy and what worked for me was roleplaying. I got used to adopting a different persona and I would make my characters in the games I played more social. I then took that and made it practical. Whenever I was nervous about social activities, I'd just imagine myself as someone who was different...someone who wasn't socially awkward, etc. Eventually, I just did away with the roleplaying aspect of it and realized that the character was just a part of me anyway.

[m1thr0s]

I know I've been pretty vague lol, but I don't mean to have sex if that's what the above implies lol, just to become more social.hey, I'd settle for just having sex...screw the social...

nah...but I don't have an answer for you cuz I have always been painfully hermetic both for good and for ill...

the weird thing is, I don't think it's actually my nature. I'm a very social person even when completely isolated and/or disconnected...

sometimes you just have to do whatever is important to you to do and let society do whatever the hell it does or doesn't do I think. If no one sees the value in it you won't have many friends. If others do see the value in it you'll probably have more than you even want...people are fickle that way in my experience and still it doesn't really impact the value of your work, whatever that may be...

there must be more to this than you are letting on...if all you really wanted was to be more social it seems to me we all know the stupid pet tricks that will make that happen...the problem comes when you have a standards of any kind.

I like Danisty's advise though...that makes sense to me.

m1thr0s

[fr.novumorganum]

Danisty's advice is solid; combine that with an NLP anchor and you have a real tool at your disposal.

Magickally, I'd consider some solar invocations. And I hate to sound fluffy, but lots of LBRPs and MPs will aid as well.

I'd also suggest reading a good book on body language.

[Radiant Star]

I agree with Danisty too.

It is good to be social and although I really enjoy time alone, I very much appreciate and look forward to having a day out with a good friend, usually to do something like photography or have lunch or visit a jazz cafe to discuss something like a project.

The best social occasions I have noticed are when we meet for a purpose other than just to party or drink; in fact, I have almost given up those types of gatherings now. Time is often short, so I prefer to combine things.

This could be useful for you too, having something to share, like a hobby gives you something to talk about and is constructive too.

[Luciftias]

I'm an introspective extrovert. I value my independence and I am usually contemplating something, but I've developed really good social abilities. I used to be incredibly shy. I think the turning point was when I took Drama class in grade 10. I was forced to perform in front of others. I was even given a lead role (a king) in a small school play. By necessity, that's when my balls dropped. haha. I was still very shy for a long time, but that was the point at which it started to turn around. Another thing that helped me was working for my father. He runs a roofing, painting and general contracting business, and most of his employees are loud, obsene, gruff guys. Hanging around them, trying not to seem like a little kid, helped me loosen up a bit too. The third thing was during High School, me and my father lived in a very large house, just the two of us. The basement was the perfect party place. Giant TV and awesome stereo and it was far enough away from my father's bedroom that he could still sleep if I was blasting the music. So naturally, I held a lot of parties for my friends in school. I started smoking pot and dropping acid at the time as well, sometimes being very stoned in public places. These three things (dramatic arts, bue collar work and hosting parties) forced me to develop social skills. After college, I joined Freemasonry, which involves a lot of speaking (sometimes in dramatic form) in front of the group, so that further developed my skills. Then I joined a band, and I was doing a lot of the managerial duties, including networking, so I was hanging out in clubs a lot, just out there making friends with as many musicians as possible. So in my case, putting myself into situations which require social interaction did help me. I would say to just get invovled in something, anything, that requires you to be interactive, and you will slowly start to open up. And don't stop there, continue to challenge yourself. That's my advice. It worked, and continues to work for me.

Luciftias

[chaos_mage4]

Wow, thanks guys. Yeah, I tried out for drama class thanks to a friend of mine, but I didn't get a part in the play, I was picked for a stage crew member, or "grip" as that paper says. (Hee hee, I couldn't resist lol.) But, since I didn't have a ride from there, because I have to tell my mom in advance so she knows when to do it (got baby brother and sister here, so she has to know in advance because of them) so I missed the first rehersal. The second one came around (after the first one, she said just call that day and she could hurry up and pick me up. So the second meeting came around, and I couldn't do it, because I wasn't feeling good. Headache and the like. But the third one was a weekend that I had to go with my dad, so I missed that one, so I'm just not going anymore, and besides they don't have a schedule of when there is going to be one, they just announce it on that day.
Anyway, yes, thanks for the advice Danisty, and Lucifitas. And good insight m1thr0s. Yes, you are correct in saying there is more than I'm letting on.
I'm pretty vague in what I said, but basically, I can't have many friends because I'm nervous, I certainly can't have a girlfriend for the same, and I can't strike up a conversation because I'm not confident enough, and I want to know how to do so! Basically, if you've seen Real Genius, which I have only recently, but it is a great movie, I want to be like Chris Knight. (Including the smarts lol, but I'm sort of there already.)
And thanks for the idea fr. novumorganum, I will do so, and you certainly didn't sound fluffy, but doesn't preforming those destroy your ego, or something like that?
Thanks again,
Christopher

[fr.novumorganum]

its not that the LBRP or MP 'destroy the ego'. quite the opposite. daily lbrp will work to banish (especially if you have a good statement of intent) and start to bring the positive effects of LVX into you. i speak from personal experience on this one (and this is a very well documented and common effect of daily LBRP) people will notice the change, and you will become more confident...and a wonderful feedback loop will develop.

a few other ideas to consider:

a. a change in diet to reduce toxins and sugars
b. excercise. nothing builds confidence and overall well being like a followed program.
c. i am certainly not a dr (well i am a dr of philosophy:cool: ) but have you ever considered that you may have social anxiety?

[Ðanisty]

I'm pretty vague in what I said, but basically, I can't have many friends because I'm nervous, I certainly can't have a girlfriend for the same, and I can't strike up a conversation because I'm not confident enough, and I want to know how to do so! Basically, if you've seen Real Genius, which I have only recently, but it is a great movie, I want to be like Chris Knight. (Including the smarts lol, but I'm sort of there already.)And you feel more like the guy living in the closet, right?

The funny thing is you can't be like that if you don't take a chance and you won't get any better at it until you practice and learn what does and doesn't work. Basically, you gotta bite the bullet.

[chaos_mage4]

You got is exactly Danisty!!! Right on the spot! Man your good :). I will try to do that thanks. fr.novumorganum, yeah, I do think I have social anxiety, or something like that. But, when I was doing the LBRP, I did notice being more confident! I will start doing it again, and I stopped because I read somewhere that it destroys the ego. I don't know, might have been Magick Liber ABA.
Thanks again guys,
Christopher