Chaos magick and sexual energy

[Pactolus]

Hey all. Not sure where to post this, but since it sort of relates to chaos magick I'll post it here.

To make a long story short, for the past 6 months or so, almost every time I've masturbated and reached climax, thoughts of chaos, destruction, and oblivion rush through my mind. This happens without me doing anything, and the last time it happened, I started laughing uncontrollably and wasn't myself for about 10 minutes.

I've heard about sexual energy in being used to do spells and create entities, and I'm just curious if any of you guys here know what's going on.

[CallofKhufu]

Ok, if the thoughts going through your mind at the point of climax were sadistic or, perhaps according to Crowley, homoerotic, could you have channeled a demon from the astral world which expressed itself by sharing your desire? Perhaps it depends if you do it with love, or do it with lust.

On another note, I have noticed there is a special sort of spiritual orgasm you can reach with someone you love - often someone who is hyper-intelligent and excites you intellectually, which manifests as an indescribable mental orgasm of the cerebral cortex which makes the regular reptilian or limbic brain orgasm seem very subdued and base and `hellish', or by comparison. I think knowing a person for a long time before the act takes place also opens up these additional sexual channels in the cerebral cortex which make one feel they are at a unity with knowledge - a gnosis, but this is a rare sexual experience.

[Pactolus]

They're definitely not homoerotic, and I don't think they're sadistic. It's just this feeling of complete chaos and destruction. It's hard to describe.

[NegativeDialectic]

I have no particular insight here, but I just have to say: that sounds hot.

[Filius Fortunae]

lots of magick seems to involve sexual energy but i'm not entirely sure what exactly you might be channeling via these feelings during your orgasm. do you have any sexual neuroses perhaps? what sort of porn do you masturbate to? do you ever get similar thoughts during other activities? what do you think it means? have you tried a reading or anything?

sorry if this post is hardly helpful, i actually don't masturbate too often as it makes me sleepy and lazy (not to mention, tesla and saint augustine attributed genius to the retention of orgasm [although, if we're making appeals to authority, i believe wilhelm reich makes an opposite claim so please don't trust anything i say])

[Pactolus]

lots of magick seems to involve sexual energy but i'm not entirely sure what exactly you might be channeling via these feelings during your orgasm. do you have any sexual neuroses perhaps? what sort of porn do you masturbate to? do you ever get similar thoughts during other activities? what do you think it means? have you tried a reading or anything?

sorry if this post is hardly helpful, i actually don't masturbate too often as it makes me sleepy and lazy (not to mention, tesla and saint augustine attributed genius to the retention of orgasm [although, if we're making appeals to authority, i believe wilhelm reich makes an opposite claim so please don't trust anything i say])
1. No sexual neuroses.
2. I don't really see how it matters, but if you must know, it's girl on girl stuff, normal porn anyone would watch.
3. I occasionally get the thoughts outside of masturbation, but for the most part, it's only when I orgasm.
4. I honestly have no idea what it could mean, which is why I came here to ask. But, I have been dabbling in chaos magick recently. I have a friend who is much more skilled and experienced in chaos magick than me and a few weeks ago we were talking. He told me he could summon the god Loki for me, if I wanted. I told him sure, and I swear to god, 5 minutes later I began to feel little pin pricks all over my body. He told me this was Loki inside of me. And to be honest, the thoughts did start getting slightly stronger after that, but I don't think it caused them, because they were happening before that.

And earlier tonight, in addition to the thoughts I've been getting for the past 6 months, I got the urge to start chanting.

[izi]

What you describe does not seem Loki, it's Nergal or Mars possibly some kind of war god.

[Pactolus]

Yeah, like I said, I'm pretty sure Loki isn't causing it.

[Callumagus]

perhaps the influx of energy is being interpreted by your mind as what it sees to be most powerful and meaningful - that is, destructive and chaotic occurences?