Balancing Happiness/Sadness

[Forest Breath]

As not to hijack the Yule thread, I hope firther discussion from there can continue here. I just don't like to see good threads stray so far off topic that others don't want to post there. So....maybe a mod can move the last few posts ehre for that discussion and leave the Yule celebration for just that!

So....with that in consideration

Do you wear your heart on your sleeve? Do you hide your grief and pain? Share it with strangers or only those you love? Lie to yourself when convenient? Feel emmence pain for someone who seems so terribly sad and lonely?

How do you balance you happiness and sadness?

[feranaja]

As not to hijack the Yule thread, I hope firther discussion from there can continue here. I just don't like to see good threads stray so far off topic that others don't want to post there. So....maybe a mod can move the last few posts ehre for that discussion and leave the Yule celebration for just that!

So....with that in consideration

Do you wear your heart on your sleeve? Do you hide your grief and pain? Share it with strangers or only those you love? Lie to yourself when convenient? Feel emmence pain for someone who seems so terribly sad and lonely?

How do you balance you happiness and sadness?

1) If wearing one's heart on one's sleeve means being emotionally honest then yep... I sure do.

2) I don't hide it so much as try not to allow it to run my life. I take specific times for active grieving - like my livejournal - and the rest of the time I use mainly intellect and Will to keep it at bay.
I also get to have things like a four month old puppy jumping in the shower with me as he just did, so - I banish with laughter a good deal as well.

3) I share more with strangers. I'm surrounded with people who can't deal well with emotion, so I dont even try. And thats ok. I'd rather work through a thing alone ANYDAY than share with someone who isnt developed enough to empathize and who isn't strong enough to support me. It's cultivated incredible strength in me to stand alone. But, I do offload online a fair bit.

4) I dont lie to myself at all ever.... I do vilify and blame myself a bit more than is probably healthy, but I'm working on it.

5) I don't presume to know how others are. And seems doesn't always = is. If you saw me in real life for example youd think I was a very happy, if sonmewhat stressed out person. I'm both sad and happy, but never lonely. I love my solitude. So I dont go on what "seems". I feel pain for people who tell me directly they're in pain. And I'm never disingenuous about it, for example, feigning empathy when I don't really feel it. Ot's ok to be indifferent its ok to be angry. As long as I'm honest with myself, I can allow myself to be imperfect.
Ands that's a very liberating, empowering feeling, one that took me many years of trying to be "good" to realize.

I dont need anyone's approval anymore, so maybe I sound cold. How do I balance sadness and joy? One minute at a time.

Funeral in the morning, birthing in the afternoon.

feranaja

[feranaja]

I'd like to add to this, that pain and joy ebb and flow in most of our lives, and I think we do the greatest disservice to both when we repress or deny them. I'm in the strange place of having much of both in my life. I can cry one minute and be laughing with my pup the next. And Im not bipolar, lol - if grief is acute, we need to apply all our energy to working with it...but even when it is eased, we need to make space in our lives to honour our losses.
JMO, of course...fera

[Sibylle]

I think how people handle pain is an individual thing, part of who we are. Being a dog owner and considering my dog to be like a child, imagining your pain in losing Luke horrifies me. I honestly don't know how I would handle that. I handle everyday pain well and consider denial to be a fabulous tool, along with cherishing what I have. I may have high tolerance and immunity to ordinary pain, but I haven't had any really huge tragedies. I like to seize the joy, love and blessings that there are, and give no honor or service to pain, tragedy or illness - but my saying that may simply be the result of not having suffered any tremendous tragedy.

[feranaja]

I think how people handle pain is an individual thing, part of who we are. Being a dog owner and considering my dog to be like a child, imagining your pain in losing Luke horrifies me. I honestly don't know how I would handle that. I handle everyday pain well and consider denial to be a fabulous tool, along with cherishing what I have. I may have high tolerance and immunity to ordinary pain, but I haven't had any really huge tragedies. I like to seize the joy, love and blessings that there are, and give no honor or service to pain, tragedy or illness - but my saying that may simply be the result of not having suffered any tremendous tragedy.

Thank you for that Sybille. He was my closest friend, and there was no warning at all. He had dinner, had his walk, and collapsed. I was fractically trying to save him, and he died in my van. Deaths like this are too common in the canine world, this cancer is a vicious thing, but it didn't seem it could happen to my baby. This, to me, was a real life changing tragedy.

As was losing my brother 2 years ago.

Not to say I have any corner on suffering, but the things I have endured have all but broken me... I love very deeply, and loss affects me in a shattering way.

I also have this unusal capacity for joy, I believe, and it's carried me through a lot. I'm struggling right now, but I'm holding on. My old dog and my new pup are both strengthening me. A lot of people love me, but I draw more strength from dogs.

I know, weird, but in the occult world, I daresay 'weird" is a meaningless term.

I like your use of the term"give honour to the suffering". By living it, speaking it and not running from it, giving honour is exactly what I'm doing. To the core of my being I believe that to do otherwise is to court disaster. YOu cant deny suffering, not if you want real healing. You walk through the fire with your head held high and your heart in pieces. Then,and only then, can you rebuild and move ahead.
I use denial to get through the day, but only as a temporary thing. I cry every day, many times, and I let the tears heal and honour what I had, and what I lost. SOmeday, I'll remember all that, and smile with gratitude - but not yet.I still dont fully believe he has gone.

fera

[YsetEternal]

without the pain one can not truly know joy. without the pain Ive been trough in my life, I wouldnt be me, and I am happy that I am me.

as for how I deal with pain, I analyze it, then I am able to laugh at it and about it.